Thursday, June 23, 2005

A Memory of First Dates

Thankfully, I am happily married and no longer have to trudge down this long and desperate hallway any more, but for a time, I was a single man destined to attend many first dates. This is one such affair.

I met her at church. She had an easy, comforting smile and a quirky, granola-like personality. She wore the Birkenstocks and cotton sweaters. I'd admired her for several months before I got up the nerve to ask her out. She'd been dating a friend of mine so when they broke up I had to wait the appropriate time before I could proceed.

What to do? A movie? Miniature golf? No. I really wanted to make a good impression. Aha! A play. I went to the trusty Las Vegas Journal Friday Edition where all good things for the weekend are spelled out amidst the gentleman's show ads. There it was. The community theater was presenting "Of Mice and Men". Excellent. I will seem cultured and its not a musical.

She was up for just about anything, so we arranged to meet at the theater. I arrived first and paced nervously hoping I wouldn't be stood up. I wasn't. I cracked a joke when she arrived and she laughed genuinely. A good sign. (The tense shifts)

The play begins. She's never seen it before and can't remember the plot. Excellent. She likes it. She wonders what will happen next. I, of course, know the ending and sense that I should prepare her in some way. She leans forward as they run away. She is on the edge of her seat. I should do something. She will be so disappointed and shocked.

I sense my opportunity. I will place my arm gently on her shoulder so when the shooting takes place I can reassure her in her grief. I quietly lift my arm off of the armrest and begin to extend it out across the back of her empty chair aiming for her delicate shoulder. Then.....

Pow! Lenny shoots Squiggy.

She lurches back toward me in shock and sadness. My elbow. My elbow. In slow motion I see my elbow unable to dodge her pretty little cheekbone. The crunch is heard all the way on the Strip and her face and head recoil in abject horror. Saliva slowly dislodges from her mouth as her pouty lips turn a pretty little black and blue shade.

I...didn't...mean...to...elbow...you...in...the...face.

She looks at me like a deer in the headlights. "So I guess dinner is out of the question?" I quip with a huge hint of defeat.

Typical chick.

28 Comments:

Blogger Shannin said...

Very funny. Brought back memories of a first date where the guy locked the keys in his car and dropped his ice cream.

Hi, Michele sent me!

6:16 AM  
Anonymous PΛUL SVEDΛ said...

Casanova meets Rocky at the play! :) Nice read and reminder of the awkward situation of dating. It used to be easier when we could just club em' and drag them off to the cave! :) Congrats on being featured on Micheles.

cheers

P.

6:33 AM  
Blogger phoenix said...

Hello, Michele sent me.

Great story... so dinner was out? lol

Can't recall any dating disasters, but now my mind will be busy all day trying to!

6:47 AM  
Blogger Guppyman said...

Hello, Michele sent me.

Too funny...

6:52 AM  
Blogger Cin said...

Hello, Michele sent me!

Like everyone else, I too have at least one cringe-worthy first date memory, so I completely sympathize. Thanks for sharing your story.

Cheers,
Cin

7:13 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

Well, she didn't have a good sense of humor did she? Typical chick? I think not. I would laughed and "accidently" elbowed you in the crotch and said - "I guess sex is out of the question..." ;)

BTW, excellent selection on the play - I can't sit through musicals either.

Hi! Michele sent me!

7:44 AM  
Blogger Courtney said...

Great story, and yes, Michelle sent me as well. I'll visit again.

8:43 AM  
Blogger puremood said...

Great memories. I have been married 12 years this August and I still remember the first date! Michele sent me, great blog!

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Janet said...

Hi, Michele sent me! Huh...I don't know why she didn't want to go to dinner either...strange!

9:12 AM  
Blogger panthergirl said...

I'm still laughing at "Lenny shoots Squiggy".

Michele sent me today!

9:19 AM  
Blogger Miss Cow is a Cow said...

OH MY GOD!!! How funny.

So? Did you have dinner?

Hello Michele sent me!

9:21 AM  
Blogger LJ said...

Hello, Michele sent me.

Funny stuff!
LJ
mooalex.blogspot.com

9:29 AM  
Blogger Thumper said...

Hi, Michele sent me..and now my face hurts in empathy for the poor woman (haing been elbowed myself once...)

But I woulda made you buy me dinner, and I would have ordered someting reallllly expensive, and then not eaten it. ;)

10:39 AM  
Blogger doris said...

Hello, Michele sent me.

LOL - great post :-)

I'm still thinking about the "granola-like personality" description!

11:14 AM  
Blogger Free to Be said...

Hi, Michele sent me too.

What a horrible first date, was there a second?

11:18 AM  
Blogger Shaleen said...

That was hilarious. And, oh my, I'm the only one commenting so far who wasn't sent by Michele! Wow! Anywho...I really enjoyed it. Keep on keepin' on. : D

11:26 AM  
Blogger jane said...

Such a cute story! Hi, Michele sent me.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Indigo said...

LOL! And I thought I've had bad first dates. Never been knocked the face during a play though.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Ella said...

Hello, Michele sent me.

Very funny story!

1:57 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Reminds me of the time my hubby elbowed me in the nose while dreaming of a rival salesman. At least, that's what he said madew him do it.....lol

2:23 PM  
Anonymous E said...

excellent! Michelle sent me...

2:39 PM  
Blogger Bonnie said...

My boyfriend accidently poked me in the eye on our first date. Now, whenever we have a mishap that's my fault, I tell him that I owed him that.

Hello, Michele sent me.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Claire said...

Very funny! Here via Michele...HI!

4:11 PM  
Blogger janie q said...

hey guess what, i'm the only one here not via michelle! awesome writing as always

6:21 PM  
Anonymous Zee said...

Hi - loved the story! What a nice voice your writing has. Michele sent me.

7:23 PM  
Blogger srp said...

Hi, Michele sent me.

I dated the base drummer in the high school band. Our first date was a football game. I sat next to him at the edge of the band section. With every touchdown they played the fight song. You had to move quick to avoid the big drumstick. It was the first date. I was not fast enough. You can imagine the rest. I got the wind knocked out and he was mortified. I learned to move faster.

7:40 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Yeks! I've been married for 33 years but I remember my first date with my husband.
If you had invited my daughter out, she loves musicals. She would have liked Mice and Men too.
No, Michelle did not send me.

2:20 AM  
Anonymous john cowart said...

Knocked her off her feet, Huh?
What a smooth operator.

3:44 AM  

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