Friday, June 17, 2005

A Note on Incarceration

A few quick updates before I get to my real post.

The mascot voting continues with the Sea Cows now holding a commanding lead over the Doppelgangers and Wonders. Thanks again for your comments and votes. The drill team and the band will be formed later on. I already have dibs on the tuba.

The results of the last Canasta competition were mixed as Grandpa Jones and his lovely wife split two games with the defending champions. I did not cheat as was fully expected.

I am still holding on to the WilkeWorld Diet. I have lost 4 lbs. and I've got to say that I'm feeling much better. No carbonation makes a huge difference. Added to the fact that my wife and I now walk several times a week, I am bound to have the pounds just fall off.

Now to my real post.

I am a captive in my own house. Yes, the two-year-old has decided to become a championship quality wrecking ball, so my wife has resorted to locking all the doors in the house. This evening, I come home from work and go to change into my jammies, but, alas, Alcatraz is locked down tighter than a drum.

I want to go to the bathroom. San Quentin.
Stepdaughter's room. Sing Sing.

Is there any door that's not locked?
Yes, the hall bathroom has been allowed to have visitors. I enter gingerly. It is a disaster zone. Foamy soap is on the wall and the counter, toilet paper has been unrolled and then rerolled and then unrolled partially. Wet Dora panties litter the floor. Tank tops and skirts of varying hues are wadded in corners.

I emerge shellshocked and glance reluctantly toward the couch where my wife lies in an exhausted stupor. She reaches in her pocket and without a word she hands me an Allen wrench.

"Long day?" I hesitantly blurt.

No response, but glare tells me plenty.

19 Comments:

Anonymous Daisyhead said...

Hi! Michele sent me!

I had to read this post out loud to my husband. LOL! Your house sounds like ours. Our son is 24 months and we've been going through the same thing with him. He's getting better now, but we used to have to lock every door, especially the bathrooms or he'd get into them and make a total mess.

I guess we can find some peace in the fact they'll eventually outgrow it. Right?

8:58 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

HAHAHA. Hola, my name is Dora. Yes I have one of those here in my house too. Mine is 3 1/2. We have the Dora panties aplenty here. Hi from Michele. Very entertaining blog.

9:09 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Ah, yes, I remember it well! This makes me remember how glad I am that my kids are grown!

Michele sent me.

9:11 PM  
Blogger Guppyman said...

Your wife just hasn't learned the secret yet.... A playpen turned upside down with a lot of weight on top of it will keep a kid inside..... at least for a little while.... Leaving the rest of the house mess free for a time...

;)

Michele says Howdy!!

9:12 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

hellloooo....carbonation does make a HUGE diff I swear...it took off like 10lbs for me...so keep it up...and you know...they are sceptical but you might be able to escape from alcatraz

9:38 PM  
Anonymous grandpa jones said...

I am shocked that a sweet little 2 year old, can outwit, out smart, and out last a pair of intelligent adults. I have taken this sweet little girl to McDonalds and she behaved like a perfect little angel. She thanks me and makes sure I know that she appreciates my taking her there. What gives? I just can't believe all of the terrible stories that are being attributed to her. She is such an obedient, loving, grateful, and thankful child. I would have to see her do some of these terrible things before I would believe that she would do anything like what is being said.........Guppyman, I think your idea of the playpen is unique, but I believe K and his wife will literally take you up on this suggestion. I may have to make random visits to let her out for periods of time throughout the day.....

9:41 PM  
Blogger Wendopolis said...

Just what it'll look like around your house once 'Indy' gets mobile.

10:20 PM  
Blogger The Torch Singer said...

phew..I have no idea what that must be like. just my boyfriend, my cat and a golden retriever!!!!!

Bliss! :)

Michele sent me!

Nadia :)

10:29 PM  
Blogger -E said...

Heh, sounds like a long day indeed. I hope you are able to escape the cabin fever madness :P

Thanks for your kind words on my blog, I appreciate them.

10:52 PM  
Blogger T. F. Stern said...

Our 3 yr old grandson has discovered crayons and coloring books. He now fills his toy cars with crayons, or sometimes he will fill them with grapes. Check your seat cushion gaps at all times from now on.

10:52 PM  
Blogger songstress7 said...

Oh wow... what a story! ;)

Hubby and I don't have kids yet, so I can't quite identify.... but I look forward to days like that with a certain amount of dread.

Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment! :)

10:56 PM  
Anonymous John cowart said...

Cheer up; only another 16 years before she leaves for college.

I think a parent's main duty is to survive.

4:14 AM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Now Grandpa Jones, You know that when that little angel is around she will turn up the charm. When mine were little everyone would say, "What sweet little girls you have". I would say, "Are we talking about the same little girls here?" They were always so well behaved around other people. I was afraid no one would want to baby sit them again, but that never happened, thank goodness.
I am now a grandma and the job is so much more fun. It's alot easier the second time around. Our little 3 1/2 yr old grandson idolizes his Peepaw and Meemaw. What fun.
I don't know who Michelle is, I somehow found you all on my own. Good luck with those Dora panties.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Indigo said...

It sounds like you'll have to take a note out of my brothers book, and screw the furniture to the walls as well, to insure that when she climbs up them, they don't topple over on her.

We had babygates all over the place. Good luck!

5:58 AM  
Blogger janie q said...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, memories. just wait until you're little one is out on her first date, wonder which one of you will be up worrying all night! give your wife a big hug from me.

6:23 AM  
Blogger Le laquet said...

Oh Tom!! Firstly, "go sea cows!" Second - well done of the 4lbs, it is such a killer. Last but not least - poor Mrs Wilkie, poor you!! Actually sounds like Grandpa Jones should increase his baby-sitting duties so you and Mrs W can make it to the bathroom/bedroom/wherever for some peace and quiet!! She'll grow out of it eventually .... probably when she becomes a teenager!

8:14 AM  
Anonymous Grandpa Jones said...

Le Laquet, I called yesterday, to find, the wife hadn't taken a shower or cleaned up for the day. I took R and went to McDonalds for chicken nuggets and playland. Grandma Jones looks at me funny when I tell her, I don't know why K and wife are having so much trouble with R. We raised 5 children without any help. Her expression is " What do you mean we". So for the last 10 years I have been making up for all of the times I wasn't home and my wife was locked in the bathroom crying. It is so much easier being a grandparent than a parent, or so my wife tells me......Having the time of my life with the grandkids........

8:59 AM  
Anonymous MissMeliss said...

I'm laughing at this the way only a childless person can...but I give you permission to come to my blog and mock me the next time I post about coming home to find that my dogs have strewn the contents of the bathroom garbage all through the house.

Thanks for all your recent comments, btw.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

This post made me smile...of course it is the smile only someone who has not been there can offer. Yet, I did lock myself out of the powder room once, does that count? Nah, I didn't think so.

11:31 AM  

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