A New Leaf

Hello again! It has been far too long since I wrote here. I have been somewhere else, but that writing site recently folded so I am back. I hope to be a little more frequently involved here for sure, but I don't know for certain how that involvement will manifest itself. As for now, I am going to ease back in without any "Notes", just a few well-positioned quips. More to come...

A Note on the Camping Trip

Yep. Peeing on trees represents the apex of the American camping experience according to my three-year-old son. I am not in a real strong position to argue with him. I, too, like to pee on trees. Oh, there is the fun of farting in the tent (which on this excursion consisted of the back seat of a Honda Odyssey), the joy of throwing sticks into a fire, and the jubilation of burying big bugs, but peeing on a tree trumps it all.

You see, he's only been potty-trained for about three or four months now and my wife is a big stickler for proper aim and hygiene, so the idea of unfettered urination is like Christmas and a Birthday all rolled into one. Here's how it all went down. He looked at me about an hour into the camping trip and indicated that he needed a trip to the facilities. I nodded, grabbed his little hand, and walked about four paces into the middle of the small stand of sagebrush before I declared that this little sagebrush bush would be the potty.

"Daddy, that's not a potty!"

"It is when you're camping, lil' bud."

His little eyes almost popped out of his little head. "I getta pee on the tree?"

"Yep, but ya can't tell Momma."

"Nope, I won't tell no one."

Yeah, that promise lasted about two minutes, 'cause when he got back to the fire he declared to all within shouting distance that he had peed on a tree.

I am a proud papa.

A List of Titles

I have determined that I have a good long list of titles that I respond to or that are inherent since I am a father of children and married to a woman. Here are my favorites.

1. Daddy Dragon
2. Top Chef
3. Head Bug Squisher
4. Lead Light Bulb Changer
5. Garbage Taker-Outer
6. Fight Mediator (I share this in a joint roll with the Wife)
7. Preferred Poet (Yes, the Teenager has employed me at various times)
8. Bed Warmer (I lay on the Wife's side of the bed until such time that she gets in so the bed is toasty)
9. Reacher of High Places (a roll reserved for only the least height-challenged)
10. Official Blog Writer

A List of Being Almost Three

I am a big fan of Lil Indy. He cracks me up. I really think he has a tremendous life. It is a good time. So today I present a list of things that you can do at age three that you can't do at age 39.

1. You can refer to yourself as Baby Dragon without being a rapper or a martial artist.

2. You can take off all your clothes in front of very attractive women and they find it downright cute.

3. You can ride your wooden horse, Gallup, until you fall down in exhaustion.

4. You can give High-fives to everyone at church regardless of age, sex and social position.

5. You can spin yourself into oblivion without the spectre of vomiting hanging over you.

6. Finding out that you can snap your fingers is a big highlight in your day.

7. Grandpa gives you anything you want as long as you say "Thank you" and "Please".

8. Seeing the Moon in the sky is a cherished event.

9. Flirting with hot chicks will get you a sucker rather than a black eye.

10. You might get to pee on Cheerios.

A Note on Swimming Fever

The teenager attended the State Swimming Championships this weekend in Provo and had a spectacular meet. She bettered her personal best time in the backstroke by nearly a second and finished 12th in the 4A competition (she would have had a podium finish in 3A). She also got listed by several of the swim team boys as "Hottest Chick on the Team" during the swim preference. A big honor for sure.

As for the Wife and the kids and me, we just tried to stay upright. We were all so sick with fevers and coughs and stuffy noses. The little ones were troopers, but they can only sit in a hot, steamy swimming complex so long before they just revolt. The revolution was ugly but relatively quick and ultimately painless. Needless to say, today we are sleeping in and trying not to puke on each other.

As for other noteworthy events in the Jones household...we owe a ton of taxes this year and are dreading having to write that check. All is well.

A Further Note on the Half-Marathon

Yep, that is me at the 8 mile marker. Notice the excellent attire and sane look. Yep, I'm quite the athlete.

A Note on the Half-Marathon

So I did a Half-Marathon. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I am a fat guy and I don't work out. I do walk quite a bit, though, so I thought I might be able to do it if all I had to do was walk. Well, I did it and I walked. Alot!

I was a little under the weather and I don't own a pair of tennis shoes, so I showed up to the event bundled up in several flannel shirts and a pair of hiking boots. I looked a little bit like Grizzly Adams at a health spa, but I wasn't there for a beauty contest. I was there to compete like the extreme athlete that I am. Yep, I finished 446th out of 451 male contestants and like 985th out of 999 contestants overall. I totally smoked the 350-lbs hispanic kid and the 85-yr-old grandma with the cigarette hanging out of her mouth. I rock.

Why did I do it?

I think it was just to be able to blog about it. I am sick and tired of all the little in-shape tarts out there in their spandex chatting up the fact that they did a 5k or ran a triathlon. Well, try strapping a 120-lbs washing machine to your back and walking 13.1 miles and you will have some idea of the pain that I experienced. Of course, I could not move for three days thereafter. The Wife is convinced I did it just to get out of some housework.

Well, I did it.

Next up....You tell me. I will pick one of the suggestions and do it.

A List of Living

You know, maybe its my mid-life crisis. It must be that. I mean I don't want to go out and buy a Porsche to prove I'm still young or anything. Nor do I find the hot young girls overwhelmingly tantalizing (I love the Wife just fine). Lately, I just find myself thinking a lot about this little thing we call life. It is just speeding by so quickly. My little Touchdown is 5. 5!!!!! And the Teenager is dating and moody and will be out of our house in a year and a half! I am not ready for it. I'm not that old.

I think this has been brewing for a little bit mainly because of the crazy health issues in my family right now. My brother is recovering from a major knee reconstruction and just got news that it is way too loose and he will probably have to do it all over again. Or maybe its that my sister is having complications with a pregnancy. I don't know, but for whatever reason I've been thinking about my place here on the earth. My reason for being. I know that any day could be my day to leave and I'm just not ready to do it yet. I don't feel old. Heck, just the other day I made a fart joke. That should prove my immaturity, right? I love my kids and my wife. I know that I'm here for them. In the end, they are the ones I will keep with me even when I leave this life. I am extremely grateful for that blessing. I don't know that I could have ever imagined a blessing so great. For that reason, I am presenting here my list of "Things That Make Me Happy I'm Alive".

Here goes....

1. Hearing little Indy make up the word "threemorrow". FYI, its the day after "twomorrow".
2. Hearing word that Touchdown thinks Joseph Smith is the guy with the "scared leopard". FYI, Mormons generally refer to him as having recieved a "sacred record".
3. Watching the Teenager get "googly-eyed" over a boy and have to tromp into a cemetary on Halloween to recieve a Sadie Hawkins Dance acceptance.
4. Watching the Wife get excited about our upcoming trip to Savannah, Georgia.
5. Holding a skull in my hands on Halloween Day. Yep, I got to excavate a Native American burial on Halloween. One of the coolest things I have ever done.
6. Hearing the story of my buddy's little 3-year old girl doing a rousing rendition of Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel" when her Primary (Sunday School) teacher asked for a song about Jesus.
7. Watching my little niece score a goal for the "Pink Roses" soccer team. She's 5 and is quite a bruiser/darling.
8. Knowing that I am conquering Adobe Illustrator CS3 (I set a goal to master it before Christmas).
9. Seeing my kids dressed up like a Cowboy and a Mermaid Princess (Ariel) for Halloween. Lil Indy galloped the entire time.
10. Watching my wife hug her kids.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.