Tuesday, October 04, 2005

A Note on Mornings

The crisp click of the bathroom door as it closes. The muffled gurgle of the toilet flushing. The constant whirring of that hair dryer. Oh, good, she's turned it off. No, it's back on again.

Oh, hey, look, I'm awake. I'm hungry, too. I haven't eaten in like four hours. Does that seem like a long time or what? Where are they? I'll cry. That always gets them. Especially that woman. She can't stand it when I cry. The fat guy that always says, "No", he doesn't respond nearly as well as the woman. Why aren't they coming in yet? Oh, yeah, the hair dryer. I'll cry louder. I wonder who's gonna get me. I'll betcha a Cheerio and a fish cracker it's the woman. Yep, here she comes carrying that bottle. Good. Very good.

She's taking me into the bedroom. Excellent. I'll just lay here next to the fat guy and drink my bottle. Good times. This seems to be an excellent nipple. I remember the whole fiasco with the fast nipples. It was like they were trying to drown me. I threw a fit that week, I'll tell ya. No, these nipples are just fine.

From this angle, the fat guy has enormous nostrils. I wonder what would happen if I...just...reached...up...and...put my finger in it like THIS! He doesn't appear to enjoy that. What was that, fat guy? Did I hear a little swear word? The woman will be very upset with you just as soon as I start crying. See? I told you she would be upset.

Hey, wait, what are you doing now? Not that. Enough of the kissing thing, already. Get a room. They do this all the time. Then they'll come over and do the same thing to me. See, I told you so.

I kind of like those two.

Hey, are those my feet?


Blogger Marie said...

They have it all figured out, don't they?! Just cuz they can't speak English yet, don't let 'em fool ya! They know what's going on!

8:32 AM  
Blogger Better Safe Than Sorry said...

welcome young man, i had no idea you were guest hosting!

5:19 PM  
Blogger Indigo said...

Oh jeez, Baby Indy is guest blogging now????

8:28 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

So this is what babies think about?

8:08 AM  
Anonymous brianna said...

Very funny.

8:29 PM  
Blogger John Cowart said...

Are you Scottish by chance?

I think it was Burns who said,
Oh, would some power
the gift would gee us,
to see ourselves
as others see us.

You've got that one pegged.

4:06 AM  
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4:07 AM  
Anonymous MissMeliss said...


8:46 AM  
Blogger Oreo said...

How sweet, I remember those days... 1 of mine turns 12 today. Here from Michele's.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Anita said...

So funny!!! I can imagine my boys thinking those same thoughts. Except they'd have to call my husband that skinny guy instead.

12:46 PM  

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