Thursday, July 28, 2005

A Note on the State of the Monarchy

I think I need to state for the record what the situation is here at WilkeWorld. It is not as if the constituency is clamoring for reform, but I sense that we need some official recordkeeping and the establishment of an appropriate governing force here in WilkeWorld. So, I present here the official government newsletter announcing the formation of a WilkeWorld governing force. Here are the pertinent facts as they now stand.

Form of Government: Representative Monarchy
King: K Jones (I will not be overthrown)
Queen: The Wife (it is not certain who exactly is the ruling monarch, but he who holds the pen)
Court Jester: Grandpa Jones

This is where it gets a little testy. We have a dress code and a list of illegal substances. We even have an official mascot, but we need more. We need you.

I have a couple of suggestions for possible cabinet positions but I would like you to nominate yourself for the positions you would like and I will run the suggestions past the Queen and my Court Jester for approval. Once approved, you are in. Don't worry, we don't actually do anything, but, you can brag to all your blog friends about your appointment. Some possible cabinet positions might include the following:

Secretary of Defense
Secretary of the Interior
Press Secretary
Prime Minister
Minority Whip
Surgeon General
Poet Laureate
Sea Cow Caretaker
WilkeWorld Historian

Oh, the list could go on and on. Rest assured, your qualifications will be poured over and you will need to defend your position with vim and vigor (mostly cause I enjoy saying "vim"). Nominations will continue until, well, until I get tired of playing this pointless game and I move on to other total wastes of time. Enjoy, citizens.


Blogger Indigo said...

I hereby nominate myself for Secretary of Defense. I've watched 24 (the tv show) enough times to know that this is a sometimes scary position, and that my life could be in danger at any given moment. But, I trust that whomever the head of CTU is will protect me, and the citizens of WilkeWorld.

9:11 PM  
Blogger K Jones said...

I thought about you for Head of the WOC (the WilkeWorld Olympic Committee) but I see you have bigger aspirations. Well done, Indy, your nomination is noted.

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Grandpa Jones, Alias Wizard said...

I am alittle taken back, to be appointed court jester doesn't flatter me at all. I have prided myself with the cool answers that I have provided the readers of WilkeWorld. I would much rather be called the WIZARD of WilkeWorld. It shows my wit, my intelligence, my humor, my wisdom, and my humility. How about it, oh King, humor me in my old age.

2:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, because I have the most political ambition here. I nominate myself for Prime Minister.

For the vim: I have been a manatee fan since adolescence.

For the vigor: I will make WilkeWorld a better place for its citizen.

Also, might I suggest the G. Jones be the Secretary of State. He strikes me as being a little like Colin Powell.

4:37 AM  
Blogger K Jones said...

Fine G-pa, you can be the Wizard. What are you, like, Merlin or something? Whatever makes you happy.

Travis, convincing argument for Prime Minister. Yeah, I can see you as a Margaret Thatcher wannabe. Your nomination is duly noted as well.

6:11 AM  
Blogger kmsqrd said...

Dude, may I be the Minority Whip? I'm clueless as to my qualifications but it inolves Whipping - which is good in any form.

6:41 AM  
Blogger Shaleen said...

I say that I should be nominated for any of the positions because I'm just that great!! ^_^ Can't you just feel the vim and vigor emanating from this comment?!? Although I must say that I absolutely love manatees a.k.a. sea cows a.k.a mermaids and always have, they're actually my fave maybe Sea Cow Caretaker? Let me know!! ^_^

8:34 AM  
Blogger Indigo said...

Olympics???? I'd only have something to do for 3 weeks every two years!

Plus, my college degree is criminal justice. I could say that I put my money to good use!

12:06 PM  
Blogger Better Safe Than Sorry said...

i'm from canada, we have a prime minister here, but as there is already a possible prime minister, maybe i could be a lady in waiting

1:41 PM  
Blogger kmsqrd said...

Oh, I meant to add, if you think loading me up with desert topping is a bad idea, I'd always volunteer for 'Lady Impatiently Waiting' or even 'Official Seat Warmer.'

1:43 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

I'd like to humbly submit to you, with all my VIM and VIGOR (but especially my VIM) my qualifications for the position of WilkeWorld Secretary of Education. I've been in the business education field for way too many years, and I believe that I can talk-the-talk with anyone who inquires (ie: spout appropriate BS). Thanks for your consideration, your royal highnesses and jester/wizard.

6:05 PM  
Blogger K Jones said...

Kmsqrd--I do like the Minority Whip idea but Lady Impatiently Waiting is promising also.

Shaleen--I knew you would come thru for us. I am quite confident your Sea Cow appointment will come to fruition.

BSTS--Lady in Waiting is probably a given, but Kmsqrd is right behind you. We will overlook your Canadianness.

Marie--You seem overqualified for the position but if you feel you can dumb it down, I may reconsider.

6:44 PM  
Anonymous Wizard of Wilkeworld said...

Beware of those seeking power and to wield influence unrighteously for they will unite the masses and will dethrone you, mighty King. You will know them by their over use of Vim and Vigor. Their intensions are cloudy.....

8:32 PM  
Anonymous MissMeliss said...

***Formatting will probably be lost in this window***

If it's not an imposition,
I'd like the poet laureate position,
Though I must confess: rhyme's not my favorite thing.

Cadence makes my fingers tap
As much as any modern rap
And meter makes my imagination sing.

Of course, with license to compose
I'd probably rely on prose -
Save poetry for occasional dabbling.

Still, the fact that my pitch is in verse
(Ok, it's bad, but it could be worse)
Should impress your majesty, the King.

9:44 PM  
Blogger Le laquet said...

Can I be Minister for Agriculture, Fisheries and Food please! I can milk a cow, caught catfish just last Monday and trust me, I can eat!

11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wizard (aka Grandpa),

I sure hope that you weren't pointing any fingers at me. I have my own little domain. I need not practice eminent domain at WilkeWorld.

11:24 PM  
Anonymous john cowart said...

Please add sushi to the banned substances list.
Remember that great Southern moto:
If It Ain't Fried, It Ain't Food!

Poet, Prime Minister, Wizzrd -- Other folks got here first and have scarfed up all the good cabnet offidces... I'll settle for official Dog Catcher.
Now, about salary...

3:40 AM  
Blogger Anita said...

Ummm . . .Princess? Court Jester's adopted daughter?

Ok, those aren't on the list so I'd like to be considered for Press Secretary ;). I think it would be oh so much fun answering questions about Wilkeworld and shielding the King and Queen from "Enquiring Minds".

6:09 AM  
Anonymous Grandpa Jones said...

A wise saying states: Only the guilty fleeth when no one pursueth.

Harbor no ill feelings, Travis, get on with your life........I was only playing the game....I hope that is all this is.......

7:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Grandpa Wizard,

Alas, I think you take me too seriously. I too was just joining in on the game. I must politic to maintain my hopeful prospect of being the great Prime Minister of WilkeWorld.

9:12 AM  
Blogger The Brother In Law said...

I would nominate myself for Evil Genius, but it doesn't matter whether you approve or not, because, well, that's what Evil Geniuses do. (I hope I spelled that right, because it really hurts your Evil Genius credibility if you can't spell.) This should really help Wilkeworld. After all, what would Batman be without the Riddler? Superman with Lex Luther? Wilkeworld without a resident Evil Genius? In the interest of fairness to other wannabe Evil Genii, I will will present my qualifications. I list only a few. 1) Approximately 37 years experience in mental, physical and emotionas torture of "The Wife." (Note how I reveal the age of hypersensitive sister, AKA "The Wife." Not how I also reveal age at next birthday.) 2) Pay actual money to Touchdown to call baby brother "Indy," which really irritates 37-year-old sister AKA "The Wife."

12:20 PM  
Blogger The Wife said...

In response to "the brother in law" aka my dear sweet brother. I will perform my first duty as queen, dealing with disrespect in the kingdom. I am currently torn between my favorite queen lines. "Take him to the dungeon" or "Off with his head!"

I love being the queen!!

4:21 PM  
Blogger kmsqrd said...

Oh, I get to choose. Man, what pressure. I guess I'll be the minority whip.

My first task shall be to notify the Evil Genious to stay far away from me. The kingdom doesn't need that much temptation at one time.

10:57 PM  
Blogger Better Safe Than Sorry said...

actually, could i be the royal gardener? not as much political stuff to deal with but still a big part of the household

3:47 AM  
Anonymous Wizard of Wilkeworld said...

Upon consultation with the Wizard of Westwood, I have this counsel for the King. Beware of the Queen, for she takes the power she has and is tempted to use it unrighteously. Follow the evil genius throughout the kingdom, his motive is to soil the reputation of the Queen, and I am sure his attitude comes from the Sister which hasn't arrived at the kingdom as of yet. Listen to your most trusted Sec. of Defense, she has been with you through thick and thin and will give you great advice. Your prime minister is very honest and up front with his intentions, he will give you of his wisdom truthfully. The miniority whip would serve you well as keeper of the dungeon. Shaleen would serve well as the mirror on the wall, as she is so pleased with herself, when people come to say mirror, mirror on the wall who is the finest on them all, she will reply that she is. I think you should assign a secretary of Education, I need the grammatic help. The nominee of Lady in Waiting needs to send a picture so that you may see why she is still waiting. The secretary of agriculture has the most formidable task, she could be incharge of your diet, you have a good start to your kingdom, go and tend it well, cultivate it, eliminate the weeds and you will enjoy the fruits of the harvest. I must go to my quarters and add more meat to my stew. I will consult with other Wizards to make sure you receive the best advice as possible. Don't forget your mother, as you are her # 1 son. According to all of your brothers and sisters.........

5:07 AM  
Anonymous Wizard of Wilkeworld said...

I have omitted two very valueable members of Wilkeworld from any assignment. The Secretary of Labor opening is being held open until you have finished your negotiations with your nominee for dog catcher. If he proves to be a good negotiator then he should be assigned. The other one is my adopted daughter. I was reluctant to assign her a position. I didn't want nepotism to be talked about throughout the kingdom. You know that she goes by the alias of Anita, should you think that nepotism be damned, she could be princess of the East Coast. Another assignee has not let her prefrence be know but Lucy Stern has much wisdom to add to your Kingdom, I believe she will let her intentions be known and you will have another valued cabinet member.

5:39 AM  
Blogger Indigo said...

The Wizard has spoken, and I sense a threat to our peace. May I suggest Dear King, that manuals be published, and distributed, on how to use rubberbands as finger guns to protect ourselves.

A training camp would be just as acceptable, especially for your citizens you do not read.

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm.... Anita = Wizard's Daughter = K's sister????

Anita = Wizard's Daughter explains here personal fanaticism for his writings.


10:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, I just reread it. The analogy should be.

Anita = Wizard's Fan = Adopted daughter = K's nemisis

Sorry, it's late, I am slow.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

I would like to nominate myself as the emergency prepardness minister. We must be ready for the storms that will hit Wilkeworld dear honored King and Queen.

11:25 PM  
Blogger Anita said...

Travis - By George, I think you've got it!! Yes, I loudly proclaim that I am a big fan of Wizard aka Grandpa Jones.

7:04 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home