Saturday, March 26, 2005

A Note on Peeps

My wife batted her eyes and got that puppy dog look. It was pathetic. Of course, she can do whatever she wants, but Peeps. She wanted Peeps. Yep, those sugary, marshmellowy, cotton candy-like confections shaped like ghosts or Christmas trees or, in today's case, classic pink Easter Bunnies.
As I have said on many occasions, I am a large man that likes to eat, but the line has to be drawn somewhere and, for me, its right before eating Peeps. So in honor of the baseball steroid hearings and the new drug policy in baseball, I am officially designating Peeps as a banned substance here in WilkeWorld. My kids may get hyped up on them and my wife may even purchase them with the intent to distribute them to minors, but as for me, I am banning them altogether.
In addition to the ban on Peeps, I wish to publish a list of other banned substances here in WilkeWorld and why they have been placed on said list.

Peeps--Essentially they are sugar-flavored sugar bars. I am convinced that you can get high on Peeps.

Candy Corn--Sugared wax...mmm...delicious.

Circus Peanuts--I would honestly love to hear from someone that likes these diabolical little vomit inducers.

Coconut--I know that placing coconut on the banned substance list is tricky as so many good people seem to like coconut, but any substance that has the consistency of toenail clippings will automatically get added to the list. Just thinking about it is giving me chills.

Happy Easter, everybody.

10 Comments:

Blogger Travis said...

Peeps = The one Easter Candy my kids can garantee that dad won't snitch when they aren't looking ;)

I agree with everything else on your banned list accept coconut.

9:11 PM  
Blogger Travis said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:12 PM  
Blogger Travis said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:12 PM  
Anonymous Travis said...

Peeps = The one Easter Candy my kids can garantee that dad won't snitch when they aren't looking ;)

I agree with everything else on your banned list accept coconut.

9:14 PM  
Blogger K Jones said...

I understand that coconut is a little iffy, but it is my one food phobia. My grandfather couldn't stand peach fuzz and my brother's fruit of torture is the strawberry, both claim it is the texture. Same could be said about coconut. The texture just gets me.

9:28 PM  
Blogger Travis said...

1- Sorry about the multiple posts. Blogspot is really slow for me lately, and I am very impatient.

2- If you were to change the coconut to coconut juice (apologies to all our polynesian friends) I am all for the ban.

4:35 PM  
Blogger K Jones said...

Travis,
Blogger has been troubling me lately too. I will consider the ban on coconut juice as it might be a good compromise.

10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

K Jones, and travis, do you two gentlemen read your posts? It sounds like you both have wonderful families, and you fill your life with posts on a blog about whether coconut, or coconut juice is to make your banned substance list. I hope you spend more time telling each of your children how much you love them. Please tell your wives how important they are in your lives. I would read every day about how you make them feel that they are the most important thing in your life.

2:00 AM  
Anonymous laursifer said...

Love this post, especially as a fellow coconut-hater myself. I'd also recommend the placement of "Dots" on this list. They're basically hardened Peeps on a long strip of white paper.

Oh, and how about Pop Rocks? There is definitely a fatal flaw in those things. I don't understand why people eat those. They are pretty tasty, though.

11:11 AM  
Blogger Margaret said...

I love coconut, but coconut milk is indeed nasty. I hate peeps or anything with marshmallow. (I don't even like s'mores!) As for circus peanuts, they are revolting. Who buys them?

12:24 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home