Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A Note on Balzac

"He shot himself where?" screamed the Wife at 6:00 A.M. exactly one year ago to this day.

There is nothing like the shock of being awakened by a phone call announcing that your father-in-law has accidently shot himself and is now being taken by ambulance to the hospital near your home for emergency surgery. We were shocked, concerned, saddened and then ultimately amused when when we found out that he was going to be fine.

"Amused?" you ask. Well, it goes something like this.

At 3:00 p.m. on Jan. 31st, 2005, the father-in-law was attempting to retrieve a baseball cap from high atop a drawer in his garage when he accidentally snagged a pistol off said shelf. He tried valiently to catch the pistol before it fell to the ground, but, alas, could not. As the pistol landed on the cement floor of the garage it discharged and shot a tiny bullet straight through his...ahem....scrotum. Yep, that sacred and well protected area all men are so cautious about.

The injury warranted immediate medical attention, but due to the precarious positioning of the entry wound and subsequent exit wound and then re-entry wound, the Father-in-Law wasn't about to subject himself to medical prodding and poking. So....they waited until he almost died before rushing him to the hospital.

Now, in the hospital, the attendees have to report any gunshot wounds to the police authorities, so not only was the Mother-in-Law worried about her husband, but she was busy defending herself to the police (a la Lorena Bobbitt). It was a complete circus.

When we arrived on the scene, he was mildly sedated and they were preparing to remove the bullet from his abdomen where it eventually came to rest after puncturing his small intestine. The Mother-in-Law commenced to tell me how she tried looking for the bullet in the "affected area" but couldn't find anything (a description I shall, regretfully, never forget). As they hauled him off, the wife was in tears as was the Mother-in-Law. It was a peculiar nightmare indeed.

Now, a year later, the pistol sits framed on a shelf in their living room. The Father-in-Law is fine. He still gets teased on occasion from his golfing buddies (they tell him they'll bring the balls), but he is resilient and usually fires right back.

An interesting Anniversary celebration we will have today, but a thankful one.

11 Comments:

Blogger Lucy Stern said...

He needs to be a little more careful with that gun...Ohhhhh what an anniversary, maybe you could make him a cake with some golf balls on top...Oh, I know it's not funny..He HE He!

9:44 PM  
Anonymous The Wizard of Wilkeworld said...

King, it has been said that when one has obtain a little authority that they start to rule unrighteously. I am fearful that you have started that trend in your kingdom. Remind me, never to share anything private with you, I DO NOT WANT IT ON A BLOG FOR THE PEOPLE OF THE KINGDOM TO READ......

10:11 PM  
Anonymous The Wizard of Wilkeworld said...

I forgot to add, that if I was your father-in-law, I may consider getting the gun down, and start looking for a son-in-law.

10:12 PM  
Blogger John Cowart said...

I cringe!

And yesterday you said your writing is not descriptive enough???

5:39 AM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Now Wizard, you don't think he would do that to you, do you?.... I suppose he is the one that tried to get us to invision you in a speedo...Oh well, never mind.

10:13 AM  
Blogger Indigo said...

Oh my, that has got to be the funniest (sorry) story ever!!! Hmmm, too bad Leonard is dead because he would have appreciated such a story.

10:15 AM  
Blogger Leonore said...

What a riot! Hilarious and sad all the same.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Le laquet said...

I truly am lost for words ... there's a first!

I have so many questions that all begin with why but lets just forget them and say, happy anniversary!

11:10 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

Oh my goodness! I'm sure it's a day he'll never forget!!

12:15 PM  
Blogger Better Safe Than Sorry said...

i'm guessing your fil doesn't have this link. i'm not sure if that's an anniversay i'd want to remember, ouch!

3:16 PM  
Blogger kristal said...

LOL... what a great story! Thank goodness everything turned out ok and you can laugh about it now.

Michele sent me!

9:01 AM  

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