Monday, December 19, 2005

A List for Tentmaking 101

The Wizard and my kind, dear Mother visited over the weekend and we soundly defeated them in canasta. All is well. All is well. Oh, to hear the wizard say, "I've never had such bad hands in all my life" brings a big smile to the King's face.

Now on to the real topic of discussion for today. Stay-at-home-dad-ville. I am convinced that a manual needs to be written so that SAHDs can remain sane. Here are a few suggestions for those fathers like me who need a few ideas.

1. Build as many tents as possible. Apparently, kids like tents in all shapes and sizes. Today we are employing the heavy blanket draped over the back of the sofa and attached with a heavy book on to the swivel recliner. Voila! Instant tent. Good for 30 minutes of relative bliss.

2. Baths. Touchdown loves baths. I may just grab a book and throw a couple of Barbies in the ol' tub and settle in for about an hour.

3. Makeshift drums. Kids like to make noise and SAHDs should channel that compulsion for their own benefit. "Here, Touchdown, take this wooden spoon and see if you can pound on your Weeble house for about an hour."

4. A bit more to do for the SAHD, but pretending the king bed is a big boat has its pros and cons. Touchdown, for some reason, loves to jump off and then be miraculously saved.

5. Bribery. I prefer chocolate, since Touchdown responds well to it. You have to be very careful not to give them chocolate really early, cause then your stuck with a hyped-up kid for the whole day. I say bribe them with chocolate about an hour before the wife arrives back, that way, the sugar high corresponds to the wife's return to the house. Perfect.

6. Gambling. We are not to this point in our house just yet, but soon enough I will be playing bowling for dollars with my little ones.

7. Bucking bronco. Now a great deal of caution needs to be employed when attempting this maneuver or else the SAHD may have an aneurism, but it can be a good time killer.

8. McDonald's Fun Land. Just ask the Wizard. It tuckers them out and you aren't legally responsible for them. The one drawback--you may have to eat some of the food.

9. Vernon Worthen Park. Every city I know has a park like this one and it should be used as much as possible. However it is very cold here now and that pony already headed for the hills.

10. Tranquilizers. I found this works magnificently.

9 Comments:

Blogger Lucy Stern said...

In our house, Sesame Street was a real winner. Bonnie loved Kermie and she would watch and play with her toy Kermie at the same time. She learned her numbers and a good bit of her alphabet from the Sesame Street gang. The Count was a favorite.

Nowadays, Noggins Massie Mouse is the letter and number character.

No more monkeys jumping on the bed.

Does Touchdown watch the BOM stories on video. Great teaching tool.

Do you ever get to take a shower in peace? My kids waited till I got in the shower to call mom with problems. Or the telephone...I never heard so much screaming when I got on the phone.

Sounds like you and the kids are having a good time. Keep it up Dad. You've always got the Wizzard as backup.

9:10 AM  
Blogger Travis said...

Hmmm... Just one clarification is needed... Do you use the gun type tranquilizers or the pill kind? Just a second, that actually begs a different question: Are the tranquilizers for you or for you kids?

3:51 PM  
Blogger Wendopolis said...

Tranquilizers...yay for Benedryl/Tylenol/Motrin.

Oh yes, tents are good.

Glad to hear you're enjoying your time in mommyville...:)

7:14 PM  
Blogger Ms. Momma said...

Ha ha ha...these are hysterical. You should write a humorous book about being a SAHD. (All except the McDonalds Playland...yuck! Do you think they clean that stuff? Double gross if yours has a pen filled with plastic balls.) :-)

6:19 AM  
Blogger DayByDay4-2Day said...

Wilke just wanted to say I left you a present on my blog for you! I hope you like it!

I also agree that you might have to suffer eating Micky D's if you take the kids there! What a pitty huh?
:)

7:53 AM  
Anonymous The Wizard of Wilkeworld said...

Daybyday4-2day, I looked at the gift you gave the king, a couple of suggestions, add a porta-pottie, and widen the seating area, then I believe it will be a good present.......Jensenblue, I have it on good authority that they have done away with the pen full of plastic balls, and that the night crew washes down the playground every evening when they close up. I am getting to like the food, blah, blah, blah......

8:42 AM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Grandpa, I didn't know McDonald's was on your diet? Hummmm..

12:15 PM  
Anonymous The Wizard of Wilkeworld said...

Lucy, my diet is one of moderation, Meaning, if normally I ate two hamburgers, I now can only eat 1, if I use to eat 3 pieces of candy I can only eat 1.5 pieces, If I ate 3 pancakes I now only eat 1.5, I learned along time ago, If I tried to cut out all of the good stuff, deep in the psyche, I would tell myself, no one can tell me I can't eat candy, and I would immediately start planning on how I could eat the candy. This way I can eat what I want but only 1/2 as much. I would tell you some other subtle weight reduction methods, but the king checks the blogs and I have to have a few secret methods.........

3:49 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

Sounds like you're the voice of experience, King! We have yet to do the McD's thing... it's just a matter of time, I suppose. Sigh.

1:47 PM  

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