Monday, May 09, 2005

A Note on the WilkeWorld Diet

The wife indicated to me this weekend that she has lost 20 lbs since the birth of Baby Indy. She then looked at my belly and seemed rather disappointed that I had not lost a commensurate amount of weight. I get the message honey. A diet is in order.

Rather than poll the citizens of WilkeWorld on the best way to lose my sympathy weight, I am instituting the WilkeWorld Diet--a diet of my own creation that will in some way prove healthier than the current situation. I am committing myself here to follow this diet for the next two months and I will keep the populace informed of my progress or lack thereof.

Here are the particulars of the WilkeWorld Diet:

1. No Soda or Pop or Coke or whatever you call carbonated drinks. Lemonade and Fruit Punch are both legal alternatives as are Gatorade and all juices.

2. Burgers are legal and appropriate but not in combination with fries. A different option in the combo meal must be chosen.

3. No upsizing or Biggie-sizing of any combo meals.

4. Ethnic food is encouraged with the exception of any fast-food joint that begins with Taco.

5. Ranch can be used as a dressing on salads but may not be used as a dip for anything else.

There you have it--the WilkeWorld Diet. Every week I shall update the diet with additional rules. If you have any suggestions please submit them in the comments and I will probably ignore them.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Grandpa Jones said...

k. jones, first of all, I offer my positive words of encouragement. Your are now entering into one of lifes puzzling ventures and the road is twisted, hilly, and at times rocky. You will notice ads, that will entice you to eat any number of fat producing foods, you will be driving down the road, and you will hear on the radio some food commercial and you will be tempted to turn in at the next available spot. Your wife will fix some favorite dessert, and your children will want to give you your special candy treat. It is as if the world is lined up to keep you from losing weight. You will have friends bring over every possible diet in the world. "Try this one!" they will say. No Fats, No Carbs, No Sweets, Cut back on what you eat, eat all you want, and on and on it goes. Some diets are specifically designed to be the most distasteful garbage you will every eat in your life. I believe the theory is, if it taste so bad, you will be reluctant to eat every again. It didn't help me, I had enough selective memory, I could always remember how good a steak tasted, how good cherry pie was, and how good a banana split was on a hot summer day. The thing that has helped me the most is. I want to be alive to enjoy my grand children and if I don't control my eating, I will not live long enough to enjoy them. Period, end of suggestions. Good luck, I hope it works, your children want to have you around for a little bit longer.

5:18 AM  
Anonymous Terry said...

And no excercise? Now this diet I can do!!!

Great blog! I've added it to my reads.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Jon Castle said...

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10:11 PM  
Anonymous Ian said...

Don't butter your toast, rice, popcorn, etc. Makes things taste pretty nasty at times, but hey!

8:27 PM  
Blogger Anita said...

Diet tips? I'm the holder of all diet tip knowledge. Note that I am NOT the successful implementer of all diet tip knowledge. In fact, I'm not the successful implementer of some diet tip knowledge.

Argh.

I've lost and regained the same 10 lbs about 25 times. I'm 10 lbs heavy, and it is driving me insane. Maybe if I had a baby I'd lost it???

4:19 AM  
Blogger Anita said...

Diet tips? I'm the holder of all diet tip knowledge. Note that I am NOT the successful implementer of all diet tip knowledge. In fact, I'm not the successful implementer of some diet tip knowledge.

Argh.

I've lost and regained the same 10 lbs about 25 times. I'm 10 lbs heavy, and it is driving me insane. Maybe if I had a baby I'd lost it???

4:19 AM  
Anonymous Weight Loss Tips said...

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12:34 PM  

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