Thursday, May 12, 2005

A Note on Marital Bliss

A blog friend and her husband recently celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary and I was struck by the fact that the biggest argument during their marriage revolved around the saving of an injured bird.

In honor of Anita and her hubby, I offer up a list of issues that ought to be discussed fully before committing yourself to marriage.

1. Dying bird etiquette. Should a bird or cat or other sympathetic animal be found on your property knocking at death's doorway, what will you do as a couple? Save the animal? Let it fend for itself? Hit it with a broomstick? This should be discussed.

2. Which side of the bed will each of you sleep on? This topic can be a hotly contested one, but certain practical matters should be considered. Who should be closest to the bathroom? Who should be closest to the door? The window? The radio? Do you have bad morning breath? Who is closest to the air conditioning vent? Where you sleep will be a defining decision in your relationship. Make it carefully with much thought.

3. Shopping as a couple. The first time I went to the outlet mall with my wife, I was under the impression that we were looking for a particular item and that when we found it we would leave. Oh, how terribly wrong I was. See, women, we need a goal or at least a time frame to help us manage the endeavor. If my wife would have said that we would be there three hours, I would have positioned myself in front of a big screen TV and popped some popcorn, but instead I got angrier and angrier as we walked leisurely through an Old Navy outlet. The rules should be established early on so we are all clear on them. When we find the perfect pair of pumps we leave, capiche.

4. The household chores. I do the outside stuff (i.e. the mowing, weeding, shoveling, edging) while the wife does the inside stuff (i.e. the cooking, vacuuming, dishwashing, washing the clothes). Wait a minute. Taking out the garbage is both an indoor and outdoor chore. What happens then? These things need to be ironed out before operating any heavy machinery.

These are the basics. Advanced discussions could include proper toilet paper loading, appropriate hair in the drain etiquette, itching and scratching appropriateness, and perhaps even backseat driving etiquette. Good luck to all.

4 Comments:

Blogger Indigo said...

Excellent observations!

Wow, what timing. I am going to a wedding tomorrow, and if you don't mind, I'm going to print out your advise and put it in the card. :-)

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Backseat driving etiquette:

If the backseat driver is actually in the backseat, he/she can make unlimited comments.

10:44 PM  
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