Monday, May 22, 2006

A List of Mission Disasters

I have variously mentioned almost all of the following mishaps at some point in the last year and a half, but I felt like today I should mention them all at one time.

As many of you know from reading my blog, I served a Mormon mission in Asuncion, Paraguay and points close to there about 18 years ago. I thoroughly enjoyed my mission experience and remain an active member of my church to this day (I teach Sunday School to the adults of my congregation), but my mission was a test of survival more than anything else. Paraguay is, well, rustic and outdated as far as modern conveniences go. Today, I will recount the trials and travails I experience while there.

1. I fell out of a moving bus (it was going about 30 m.p.h).
2. I was bitten in the leg by a Great Dane.
3. I had a machete thrown at my head by a crazy lady.
4. I fell through the window of an overturned bus on to the body of a decapitated woman and I, subsequently, fell unconscious.
5. I was held at gunpoint for nearly two hours by a drunken policeman.
6. I woke up to find a cow in my apartment.
7. I was involved in a fist fight with the drunken mayor of a small town (Total self-defense on my part as he tried to run me over with his Jeep).
8. I awoke to find that my apartment had been stoned during the night.
9. I had my apartment broken into and $40 stolen.
10. I stayed in my apartment for two days straight as the Paraguayan Army performed a coup-de-etat and ousted Dictator Alfredo Stroessner (I was staying in Stroessner's most loyal town and the target of the Army).

Other than that it was quite spiritual.


Blogger Ms. Momma said...

OMG! I don't even know how to respond to these!

5:21 AM  
Anonymous The Wizard of Wilkeworld said...

King, it appears that you have been well prepared to handle the tests and trials of running a blog site. It is amazing to me, how much wickedness is taking place throughout the world. I am interested at the way people think that going on a drunk is so funny. College students and their binge drinking, and as that lifestyle plays its self out. How many of those individuals have serious complication from alcohol, and how it affects the quality of their life in the future. But if you say anything about it, you are accused of being a goodie, goodie two shoes and are not considered hip. People do dumb things under the influence of drugs (alcohol)

9:04 AM  
Blogger Indigo said...

Isn't this the same place you had a bat fly into your head in a cave?

Are we supposed to pick one of those that is false? Because in all honesty, I can't imagine living through all of those.

6:57 PM  
Blogger Le laquet said...

I always feel the need to laugh nervously when you recount the dangers of your mission ... sorry, it's just scary!

10:27 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

Don't you feel like you can do anything now? Did you keep a journal then? Will there be a book someday?

6:23 AM  
Anonymous brianna said...

Ok, I thought my husband had some horror stories! He served in Puerto Rico about 12 years ago. He was hit on purpose by a car and they had their car bombed in the middle of the night as well. Those are the two that always stood out for me, but falling out of an overturned bus and landing on a decapitated woman....WOW! You really should write a book about your mission expeiriences! It would be a must read!

2:51 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

K - What were you doing climbing around on an overturned bus? I'm glad that Bonnie went to the SLC south mission. I don't think she could have handled some ot the things that the Elders do in countries outside of the US. I do know some Sisters that served in South Africa, Guatamala and Brazil. Our former Stake President just got called into the Second Quarem of the 70's and he will be leaving any day now for Brazil.
Sounds like you had a fairly active mission.

6:39 AM  

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