Wednesday, March 09, 2005

A Note on Cell Phones

According to my wife and several others, I was apparently overzealous in my "Note on Old People" and may have come across harshly critical of their driving skills. So, to even things out, I will take firm aim at the younger crowd and their cell phones. Now, I realize that the older crowd is just as capable of cell phone idiocy as the younger crowd, but for the purposes of this note, I will address my own.

It should be noted that I do not own a cell phone. My wife does and she is one of those I am addressing, but, as for me, I am no hypocrit. I may be in the future, but, for now, I am not.

The way I see it, cell phone idiocy displays itself in three distinct ways. First, the cell phone talker totally loses volume control. My buddy, Bruce, summed it up when he claimed his wife somehow believed that since the caller was several hundred miles away she needed to yell into the phone to be heard from that distance. This idiocy takes place in restaurants, libraries, retail stores and, strangely enough, DMV lines. It is particularly helpful to catch the phrase, "Can you hear me now?" while waiting to check out your book at the library. Just lovely.

The second way cell phone idiocy is displayed is in the car. I am a big fan of the chin/shoulder cradle that occurs with the cell phone when the driver needs that extra sip of Starbucks. This past week I was nearly sideswiped by a young upwardly mobile slickster as he casually forgot that there were two turning lanes. I am sure my repeated polite honks would have been heard had he not had the miniscule cell phone attached to his head during his leisurely drive. The IQ of a driver plummets when the cell phone is put into use.

Lastly, idiocy in general is amplified by cell phones. I look at young high school kids and I think they could either be brilliant leaders of tomorrow or.... total idiots. I really don't know, but then the cell phone will go off and I get a glimpse of the future. "Wassup, dude?", "Where you at?", "I'm just chillin with Jimmy down here at the mall", "#$%^$@#". Well, you get the idea and so does everyone down at the mall.

Look, I am not against the idea of cell phones. I guess they have their place. Its just not in the car next to me or in the booth on the other side of the pillar at Chili's.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yesterday, I was waiting in the shopping mall parking lot for my wife. I was watching the shoppers come out and here comes one with her arms full and a cell phone in her ear. She stepped off the curb right in the way of an approaching car. The car honked, the lady dropped her shopping bag, didn't miss a step, with the phone still in her ear, she picked the bag up and continued on her way. With the driver of the car shaking his head. Good take, love your humor

3:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you catch the 20/20 episode last night about cell phone users. I guess they have a term for your freinds condition. It's called the "cell yell."

They also talked about how it is causing us to be more distant. They showed candid video of a couple at a restaraunt who were "together" but during the 5-10 minutes of video didn't say anything to each other (unless they were talking to each other on ther phones).

4:33 AM  

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