A List of Obsessions

Last night while kneeling down praying at the side of my bed I realized that I, too, am a little obsessive and compulsive about a few things. Today's list of personal obsessions and compulsions is the first step toward real OCD recovery.

1. The fitted sheet on my bed must be properly positioned. My wife does not share this obsession much to my chagrin, and I think she might be purposely skewing the sheet to irritate me and feed my obsession.

2. I've mentioned this before but toenail clippings anywhere near the bed are cause for real concern.

3. All dishes must be thoroughly rinsed before being placed in the dishwasher. They are not to be found with day-old ketchup clinging to them at any time.

4. Bananas must never have the little strings still on them. They must be peeled and in pristine condition to be consumed.

5. Never, under any conditions, should a spot be missed while vacuuming the floor or wiping the counters in the kitchen. If you need to get a better view, position yourself so the light shines right on the counter.

6. The radio presets in the van must never, ever be touched. Again, I think my wife might be at fault here. She is one of those channel surfer chicks. Honey, there are two stations I care about and if I can't find them with one click I am rendered helpless.

7. Leave my mess alone. I know where things are. This is one of those competing obsessions I have with my wife. I keep my jacket at the foot of my bed or in the office or on the floor where I know where it is. My wife, on the other hand, believes jackets should hang in closets. I don't know how many times I have spent the entire morning searching for my jacket only to find out she has hung it in the coat closet. Why would I look there? Same goes for belts and shoes.

8. Books with dustjackets must remain with dustjackets.

9. Pens at rest must be capped.

10. Toilet paper must come over the top of the roll to be dispensed. No other way to do it.