WilkeWorld

A New Leaf

2009-02-12T18:08:00.000-08:00

Hello again! It has been far too long since I wrote here. I have been somewhere else, but that writing site recently folded so I am back. I hope to be a little more frequently involved here for sure, but I don't know for certain how that involvement will manifest itself. As for now, I am going to ease back in without any "Notes", just a few well-positioned quips. More to come...

A Note on the Camping Trip

2008-05-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

Yep. Peeing on trees represents the apex of the American camping experience according to my three-year-old son. I am not in a real strong position to argue with him. I, too, like to pee on trees. Oh, there is the fun of farting in the tent (which on this excursion consisted of the back seat of a Honda Odyssey), the joy of throwing sticks into a fire, and the jubilation of burying big bugs, but peeing on a tree trumps it all.

You see, he's only been potty-trained for about three or four months now and my wife is a big stickler for proper aim and hygiene, so the idea of unfettered urination is like Christmas and a Birthday all rolled into one. Here's how it all went down. He looked at me about an hour into the camping trip and indicated that he needed a trip to the facilities. I nodded, grabbed his little hand, and walked about four paces into the middle of the small stand of sagebrush before I declared that this little sagebrush bush would be the potty.

"Daddy, that's not a potty!"

"It is when you're camping, lil' bud."

His little eyes almost popped out of his little head. "I getta pee on the tree?"

"Yep, but ya can't tell Momma."

"Nope, I won't tell no one."

Yeah, that promise lasted about two minutes, 'cause when he got back to the fire he declared to all within shouting distance that he had peed on a tree.

I am a proud papa.

A List of Titles

2008-03-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

I have determined that I have a good long list of titles that I respond to or that are inherent since I am a father of children and married to a woman. Here are my favorites.

1. Daddy Dragon
2. Top Chef
3. Head Bug Squisher
4. Lead Light Bulb Changer
5. Garbage Taker-Outer
6. Fight Mediator (I share this in a joint roll with the Wife)
7. Preferred Poet (Yes, the Teenager has employed me at various times)
8. Bed Warmer (I lay on the Wife's side of the bed until such time that she gets in so the bed is toasty)
9. Reacher of High Places (a roll reserved for only the least height-challenged)
10. Official Blog Writer

A List of Being Almost Three

2008-03-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

I am a big fan of Lil Indy. He cracks me up. I really think he has a tremendous life. It is a good time. So today I present a list of things that you can do at age three that you can't do at age 39.

1. You can refer to yourself as Baby Dragon without being a rapper or a martial artist.

2. You can take off all your clothes in front of very attractive women and they find it downright cute.

3. You can ride your wooden horse, Gallup, until you fall down in exhaustion.

4. You can give High-fives to everyone at church regardless of age, sex and social position.

5. You can spin yourself into oblivion without the spectre of vomiting hanging over you.

6. Finding out that you can snap your fingers is a big highlight in your day.

7. Grandpa gives you anything you want as long as you say "Thank you" and "Please".

8. Seeing the Moon in the sky is a cherished event.

9. Flirting with hot chicks will get you a sucker rather than a black eye.

10. You might get to pee on Cheerios.

A Note on Swimming Fever

2008-02-03T08:24:00.000-08:00

The teenager attended the State Swimming Championships this weekend in Provo and had a spectacular meet. She bettered her personal best time in the backstroke by nearly a second and finished 12th in the 4A competition (she would have had a podium finish in 3A). She also got listed by several of the swim team boys as "Hottest Chick on the Team" during the swim preference. A big honor for sure.

As for the Wife and the kids and me, we just tried to stay upright. We were all so sick with fevers and coughs and stuffy noses. The little ones were troopers, but they can only sit in a hot, steamy swimming complex so long before they just revolt. The revolution was ugly but relatively quick and ultimately painless. Needless to say, today we are sleeping in and trying not to puke on each other.

As for other noteworthy events in the Jones household...we owe a ton of taxes this year and are dreading having to write that check. All is well.

A Further Note on the Half-Marathon

2008-01-27T09:32:00.001-08:00

Yep, that is me at the 8 mile marker. Notice the excellent attire and sane look. Yep, I'm quite the athlete.

A Note on the Half-Marathon

2008-01-27T08:54:00.000-08:00

So I did a Half-Marathon. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I am a fat guy and I don't work out. I do walk quite a bit, though, so I thought I might be able to do it if all I had to do was walk. Well, I did it and I walked. Alot!

I was a little under the weather and I don't own a pair of tennis shoes, so I showed up to the event bundled up in several flannel shirts and a pair of hiking boots. I looked a little bit like Grizzly Adams at a health spa, but I wasn't there for a beauty contest. I was there to compete like the extreme athlete that I am. Yep, I finished 446th out of 451 male contestants and like 985th out of 999 contestants overall. I totally smoked the 350-lbs hispanic kid and the 85-yr-old grandma with the cigarette hanging out of her mouth. I rock.

Why did I do it?

I think it was just to be able to blog about it. I am sick and tired of all the little in-shape tarts out there in their spandex chatting up the fact that they did a 5k or ran a triathlon. Well, try strapping a 120-lbs washing machine to your back and walking 13.1 miles and you will have some idea of the pain that I experienced. Of course, I could not move for three days thereafter. The Wife is convinced I did it just to get out of some housework.

Well, I did it.

Next up....You tell me. I will pick one of the suggestions and do it.

A List of Living

2007-11-15T17:54:00.001-08:00

You know, maybe its my mid-life crisis. It must be that. I mean I don't want to go out and buy a Porsche to prove I'm still young or anything. Nor do I find the hot young girls overwhelmingly tantalizing (I love the Wife just fine). Lately, I just find myself thinking a lot about this little thing we call life. It is just speeding by so quickly. My little Touchdown is 5. 5!!!!! And the Teenager is dating and moody and will be out of our house in a year and a half! I am not ready for it. I'm not that old.

I think this has been brewing for a little bit mainly because of the crazy health issues in my family right now. My brother is recovering from a major knee reconstruction and just got news that it is way too loose and he will probably have to do it all over again. Or maybe its that my sister is having complications with a pregnancy. I don't know, but for whatever reason I've been thinking about my place here on the earth. My reason for being. I know that any day could be my day to leave and I'm just not ready to do it yet. I don't feel old. Heck, just the other day I made a fart joke. That should prove my immaturity, right? I love my kids and my wife. I know that I'm here for them. In the end, they are the ones I will keep with me even when I leave this life. I am extremely grateful for that blessing. I don't know that I could have ever imagined a blessing so great. For that reason, I am presenting here my list of "Things That Make Me Happy I'm Alive".

Here goes....

1. Hearing little Indy make up the word "threemorrow". FYI, its the day after "twomorrow".
2. Hearing word that Touchdown thinks Joseph Smith is the guy with the "scared leopard". FYI, Mormons generally refer to him as having recieved a "sacred record".
3. Watching the Teenager get "googly-eyed" over a boy and have to tromp into a cemetary on Halloween to recieve a Sadie Hawkins Dance acceptance.
4. Watching the Wife get excited about our upcoming trip to Savannah, Georgia.
5. Holding a skull in my hands on Halloween Day. Yep, I got to excavate a Native American burial on Halloween. One of the coolest things I have ever done.
6. Hearing the story of my buddy's little 3-year old girl doing a rousing rendition of Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel" when her Primary (Sunday School) teacher asked for a song about Jesus.
7. Watching my little niece score a goal for the "Pink Roses" soccer team. She's 5 and is quite a bruiser/darling.
8. Knowing that I am conquering Adobe Illustrator CS3 (I set a goal to master it before Christmas).
9. Seeing my kids dressed up like a Cowboy and a Mermaid Princess (Ariel) for Halloween. Lil Indy galloped the entire time.
10. Watching my wife hug her kids.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

A Note on My Life in Kanab

2007-10-16T21:22:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm still here.

I am a little bit swamped with work as I am on location at a dig in Kanab, Utah, but I am still kicking.

Here are a few tidbits for you all to chew on.

The lights in Lil' Indy's room went out this week and he kept asking if his lights could get new batteries.

The Wife made about $250 on her garage sale this past weekend and she has already spent it.

The Teenager is totally whipped about a new boy friend from a neighboring high school. The castle is getting wilder and wilder.

Touchdown is now starting to read. Heaven help us all.

The King is really tired and this bed is really hard and uncomfortable.

A Note on Yet Another Cliche

2007-08-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

You've heard the saying, "You are acting like you've got ants in your pants." Well, I now know exactly what that saying means.

I was minding my own business, conducting an archaeological survey in the Beaver Dam Mountains, when I felt a distinct, sharp, bite on the inside of my thigh. Yeah, a bite. At first, I thought I had stumbled on a cactus and it had started to stab me in a delicate area. But then, the pricking sensation continued again and again and again. I couldn't make it stop. I started jumping up and down and rubbing myself in a not-so-flattering manner. I was with a female co-worker, so I couldn't just drop my pants and take care of things. Believe me, I wanted to. After a few minutes, though, I figured the avoidance of pain outweighed good taste. I ran behind the truck and stripped down. When I had finally exposed the area, I saw the little bounder with an evil little look on his face. I killed him...but not before he bit me again.

I think my co-worker is still laughing. I, in the meantime, am trying to control the swelling with a well-placed ice pack. Oh, the horror.

A Note on Notes

2007-07-31T14:29:00.000-07:00

Touchdown: "Whew, Mom, I am so tired. Whew!"
The Wife: "What's up, pumpkin? Why are you so tired?"
Touchdown: "I just finished and I am just soooooo tired."
The Wife: "What did you finish?"
Touchdown: "I just finished writing you an essay. I'll go get it for you, Mama....Here it is!"

Touchdown presents The Wife with a white sheet of paper with the letters, "S" and "A" written across it.

"Here's your essay, Mama."

A Note on Floam

2007-06-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

Here are a few random stories from the minds and actions of Touchdown and Lil Indy.

The other day Touchdown came into The Wife's office to hear her lamenting that she was in trouble 'cause she had to get an e-mail out before the end of the day. She felt bad for her mother and went out depressed. A few minutes later she came back in with a wide grin.

"Momma," she said, "you're so lucky."

"Why is that, Touchdown?"

"'Cause when you're in trouble, State Farm is there."

This revelation came on the heels of a complete meltdown earlier in the week. Touchdown just lost it. She came in to The Wife's office with "crying drips" flying in every direction and could not be consoled. Finally the Wife got her calmed down enough to find out the cause of the consternation.

"Momma, its just not fair. It's not fair! Why do you have to be 18 to buy floam?!?"

The last story comes from the mouth of Lil Indy. Yesterday, while riding home from lunch at Mickey D's, Lil Indy sunk back into his carseat and delivered an astute declaration.

"Daddy!"

"Yeah, bud."

"Daddy, I'm tired of the ladybugs."

Ummmmmm, who isn't?

A Note on Expired Diapers

2007-06-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

That's right. Diapers have an expiration date. I don't know exactly why they have an expiration date, but they do. I guess if you keep diapers too long you're too tempted to have more babies? It's the government's way to curb population growth.

Oh, and lifejackets also have an expiration date, as do condoms. I don't know how the government factors into it however. I am still mulling this one over.

Here are a few things I would put an expiration date on if I were in charge of things.

1. Reality TV shows.
2. Oscar acceptance speeches.
3. Celebrity renderings of the National Anthem.
4. My wife's memory of my wrongdoings.
5. Women's perfume (I swear I smelled some mothballs the other day in the Walmart)
6. Driver's licenses (60 years ought to be plenty)
7. Barney the Purple Dinosaur
8. Paris Hilton
9. Computers
10. Gumballs from a Gumball Machine.

A List of Concepts I Think I Understand But I Don't

2007-06-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

1. Anti-Oxidents...I think I need them and I know that some foods have all of them that I need, but I then get confused and I think this is something you don't want in your car. Or do you want them in your car? They sound like something that builds up in your car. I am anti-anti-oxidents. Or am I pro-anti-oxidents? Does Dr. Pepper have any? Cause then I'd know if I like them.

2. Electrolytes...Gatorade has lots of them but I get a little constipated when I drink a lot of Gatorade so...

3. Estrogen...Well, this needs no explanation.

4. Ethernet...I think you plug it in to a USB port, whatever a USB port is.

5. Attention Deficit Disorder...I apologize now to all of you that have this disorder, but it sounds to me like boredom. The average attention span of an average adult is 22 minutes. I have spent 8 hours straight playing Runescape on the internet so I have no concept of this disorder.

6. Trans-Fat...I don't like it, whatever it is.

7. MSG...Chinese places don't use it, but it is in Doritos? How bad can it be?

8. Oprah...Yeah, Oprah is a concept. One I really don't understand.

9. Deal or No Deal...Ummmmmmmmmm, they pick briefcases and then they open them and then Howie goes to commercial.

10. The Chicago Cubs...

A Note for a Good Friend

2007-05-24T20:00:00.001-07:00

The Wife and I are often fond of calling our children nicknames. Touchdown is famously known as "Pumpkin Pie" since her birthday is in October. Lil Indy is often called "Bubba", "Tato Head", or "Mr. Magooby" for various reasons and The Teenager is known as "Sister" or Sweet Pie" because she is both sweet and the sister of the other two (even though we called her "Sister" well before the other two were even born). Any way, this morning The Wife asked Lil Indy if he was her "Bubba". He looked momentarily confused before he responded with his customary eloquence, "No, Mama. I Mr. Magooby."

We will be buying him spectacles and a cane in no time.

In other news, my job is going spectacularly well. I am finding arrowheads and pottery sherds in huge quantities and I think I am getting more confident in my abilities. The only real problem is that, since the temperature here in Southern Utah is now creeping towards 100 degrees, the powers that be at my work have instituted a 6:00 A. M. starting time for the excavation. Arrrrrgggggghhhhh! I am a night owl, not a morning person in the least. It has been a little trying of late. Not to mention that the wife is not really thrilled when I get up at 5:15 (she values her precious sleep).

Well, yesterday morning my alarm went off during a particularly good dream in which I was accepting the Nobel Prize for Archaeology or some such thing and I was literally jarred out of bed. Fearing that I would wake the Wife up, I pounced on the alarm and tiptoed gingerly into the closet where I dressed like a sneaky jaguar in the night. I listened for any movements from the area of the bed and (thankfully) the Wife slumbered, oblivious to my panther-like movements. I felt so proud of myself for not awakening her (usually I am an overgrown kangaroo in a bounce house). I then sneaked out of the room and went and fixed my lunch. So far, so good.

After a particularly unfortunate battle with the ice machine on the freezer door, however, I must have awakened her, cause she stumbled out into the family room to give me a kiss just before I left for work.

"Sorry about the ice maker, Hon," I lamented when she stumbled into the room.

"It wasn't you," she replied. "Its that wind. It blew that tree into the storm drain all night long."

Phew! It wasn't me that awakened her. I am just that good.

Fast-forward to later on that night.

"I hope it isn't as windy as it was last night," says the Wife as she jumps into bed and snuggles up next to me. "I really don't like sleeping with the Kicker (aka Touchdown)."

"You spent the night with Touchdown?"

"Yeah, you didn't notice that I wasn't in the bed when you woke up?"

"Ummmmmm..........."

Insert the Wife's disgusted look here.

"You didn't even look to see if I was there? In the bed?"

"Ummmmmm.........I love you?

"What if I had been kidnapped? Or in dire need of your help? You didn't even venture a glance at the bed?"

"Honey, you've lost so much weight lately that I must have thought you were under the covers even though you weren't."

I still have the reflexes of a cat.

A Note on Palm Springs

2007-04-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

I am so overwhelmed.

I have work, which is absolutely exhausting. I have a terrible sinus/allergy/flu/fever/dehydration thing that is going on three months. I have three very involved children with exceptional demands. I have a wife that is equally swamped with work. And I have a blog.

The blog gets the short end of the stick when all else overwhelms. Sorry....

To catch up a bit.

The family has been on a full blown spring break vacation to Palm Springs in the last month and the wedding of the Wife's eldest nephew in Santa Clarita, California as well. To say the least, the kids are champions when it comes to sitting in the van for long periods of time.

I am not.

In Palm Springs we accomplished the following...

1. We swam around in circles interminably in the resort's "Lazy River".
2. The King went golfing at a very ritzy golf course in Indio and got lousy service.
3. The whole family again jumped in the van and made a trip to SeaWorld and saw Shamu. Lil Indy patted one of the Budweiser Clydesdales, Touchdown got splashed by a stingray, and the Teenager spent innumerable hours in the bathroom straightening her hair (which is what I could say most any day).
4. We sweated our tushes off at the Living Desert Animal Sanctuary and Gardens.
5. We got on a tram and went to the top of an extremely high mountain for no apparent good reason (have I explained that I am terrified of heights).
6. The Wife and I cruised through Joshua Tree National Monument one morning and I loved it immensely.
7. We ate a lot of food that isn't good for us.
8. The King got his finger smashed in a restaurant door trying to prevent Lil Indy from running into traffic in the middle of Palm Springs.
9. We went around in circles a lot in the "Lazy River".
10. We travelled in circles in the...well, you get the picture.

A good time was had by all.

A Note on Crying Drips

2007-02-25T14:20:00.000-08:00

Every so often you just have to write down things that your kids do so that you will remember them forever and you will be able to tease them about it when they are teenagers. This week was one of those weeks. My little Touchdown was a total treasure trove of one-liners this week and I've got to relate the sheer madness of her little personality. She is really a pill.

It all began last Saturday when she was to go to her cousin's "Princess" b-day party. The Wife was sick so I got saddled with the chauffeur duty. As I got Touchdown buckled into the minivan and made my way around the front of the van, I may have let a little gas escape me in the form of a little toot. She laughed hysterically and we left to go to the party. I thought all had been forgotten of the toot, but about a mile into our sojourn I look back at her and she is just about to cry. She is holding the folds of her lavender chiffon "Princess" dress in her little hands with a look of total despair and disgust.

"Daddy," she said with her nose all scrunched up, "your toot made my dress all foggy. Look! It's all foggy."

I looked but I must say it didn't look foggy at all. Nevertheless, perception is 95% reality so I'll take her word for it.

In a related story, this past Monday on a similar drive (albeit tootless), Touchdown started sobbing in the back seat because she didn't want me to die. Its a long story, but one in which the Primary in our local congregation was teaching the children about God's Plan and mentioned that in God's Plan every one of us will eventually die but that we can live with our families forever if we're not naughty. Well, Touchdown has been naughty lately and so she was sure that when I died and she died we couldn't live together and she was not happy about it. She was a total mess. Tears were flying in every direction and little Touchdown was really quite amazed that so many tears were flying out of her. She stopped her crying for a brief second amidst all of this blubbering and asked...

"Daddy, does everyone get them like me?"

"Get what, honey?"

"The crying drips. Does everyone get the crying drips like me?"

Sometimes its good to be the daddy.

A Note on February

2007-02-12T07:56:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's been awhile since I have written and I have to catch up. Here is a quick list of events in our family.

1. The Wife and I went to see Howard Jones in an acoustic concert. He was phenomenal. Really! I haven't had so much fun in a long time. It was quite comical that every 30-something in Southern Utah was at the concert. We must have exhausted the babysitter pool in three counties.

2. Speaking of pools...the Teenager again made the State Swimming Meet in the 200 IM and the 100 Back. She went to Provo and swam beautifully getting 13th and 14th respectively. We are very pleased.

3. Kid Indy is a total terror. The Queen has now bungee-corded all of the kitchen chairs to the table to prevent him from total destruction.

4. Touchdown is doing fine. She is still a little manipulator of nearly everyone and is (as I speak) stealing colored paper for a project.

5. I am busy with my job. Just this past week I went to the Arizona Strip south of Fredonia and found a Bajada and a San Jose projectile point. Cool stuff for sure.

6. The Queen is busy planning our Spring Break trip to Palm Springs and seems all too happy about it. She is just anxious to be off for a full week and I can hardly blame her.

7. We are very blessed.

8. Grandpa Jones went to the hospital again because of his blood clot and they put him back on blood thinners. He is doing better.

A Memory of My Mother

2007-01-18T20:16:00.000-08:00

I can't remember if I told this story on this blog before, but I will do it again cause it is so like my mother.

I was single and living by myself in Las Vegas several years ago and eating out nearly every day. That guy on "Supersize Me" had nothing on me. Anyway, my mom caught wind of the situation and was apparently appalled. She couldn't bear to think that her little boy was eating junk food for every meal. So what did she do. She drove to Las Vegas and took me to a supermarket and we bought a bunch of fruits and vegetables.

I was so humiliated. A grown man in a grocery store with his mommy. I have such a great mom.

A List from the Holidays

2007-01-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

The following is a list of holiday happenings here in WilkeWorld. Enjoy.

1. My niece, Dora, and little Touchdown asked my nephew, Marty, what color the orange sign was. He replied that it was orange. They informed him that he was wrong. The real color of the sign was "Selma". At 3, he was mightily confused and much crying ensued. Dora and Touchdown still insist it was "Selma".

2. My mother recieved a digital camera and a memory card for Christmas from us, her children. Upon seeing the memory card she asked my sister, "What is this? The film?" Welcome to the 21st Century, Mom.

3. My niece, Dora, recieved Baby Alive from Santa and it proceeded to poop and pee all day long. There was much crying when she discovered that a baby was a lot of work and not at all like it said on the commercials. I remember that feeling.

4. The Wizard, my brother, Jedora, my brother-in-law, Bernie (I think that name is funny so I'll use it here) and I all lost our hearing when we went to the shooting range and fired off a series of rounds using an assault rifle called an M-4 (or an AR-15). Yeah, the King is now more than equipped to defend his kingdom.

5. The King didn't blog and I'm very sorry.

6. The King and the Queen got Howard Jones tickets for Christmas. The 80s rock!!

7. The King went undefeated at Canasta and winless at Acquire.

8. Lil Indy can destroy Christmas in a heartbeat.

9. The Court Jester (AKA the Brother-in-Law) took my Father-in-Law to the Rose Bowl. Kudos to him. I, too, like football by the way.

10. The New Year was rung in with a big kiss for the Queen. (BTW-Marty, my little nephew, was quite distraught when he got no toast at midnight. He was told there would be toast at midnight and all he got was sparkling cider.)

A Memory of Normalcy

2006-12-23T12:23:00.000-08:00

It is about time I write again on this blog, right?

The birthday getaway to Las Vegas was supremely worthwhile as the Wife and I slept in and had a wonderful evening walking around the shops of the Green Valley Resort. Every now and again, one needs to treat oneself.

As for the Christmas plans, it looks like the wife has drained the pocketbook once again. Ask the Wizard if he agrees that the Wife has a real Christmas fetish. The place looks like Santa exploded in here. Oh, well. At least she isn't Miss Bah Humbug. I guess I should be happy.

The Teenager is equally as committed to the holiday spirit as evidenced by the amount of time and energy devoted to wrapping and prettifying every package. She is so addicted.

A Note on Being a Dud

2006-12-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

"You gotta blog tonight, honey. Your blog is such a dud."

Soooooo..........

What to say....what to say....

Oh, I know. I will talk about the fact that my wife's razor sharp toenails sliced my knee and I actually started bleeding in bed at 5:00 in the morning. She claims that Touchdown invaded our bed and forced her to snuggle up with me on my side. I don't know if I buy the explanation. All I know is that the shock of being cut in the middle of the night is quite disturbing.

As for the wife, she thinks she is pretty funny. I teach Sunday School to the adults in my congregation and this past Sunday I used myself as an object lesson. I had some static cling and I asked if anyone could tell what was wrong with me. Well, it was like the Wife was on a pogo stick. She was like Horshack on Welcome Back, Kotter. "Oh, oh, oh. I know. I know. Where do I begin?" Oh, she got her laughs. She was pretty proud of her quick wit.

As for Lil Indy, he is a total destructo-boy. He can shred a roll of toilet paper like no other. And he talks. Oh, he talks. He is 19 months old and knows his ABC's and his numbers (more or less). He also knows that he can get chocolate anytime he wants if he just sweettalks his mama or his biggest sister. Needless to say, the Christmas decorations are scaled-back this year. All we need around here is a glass ball ornament in a million pieces on the floor.

My birthday is Sunday. Happy Birthday to me.

A List of Giving Thanks

2006-11-25T22:59:00.000-08:00

I am thankful that I have never been arrested.
I am thankful that no one noticed when I went to work with my zipper undone a few years ago.
I am thankful that my brothers and sisters rarely read my blog.
I am thankful that I had a dog named Sally when I grew up.
I am thankful that someone finally married me.
I am thankful that my children seem to like me.
I am thankful that my mother is a killer cook (Thanksgiving Dinner rocked).
I am thankful that someone actually pays me to dig in the dirt and find cool Indian stuff.
I am thankful that I don't have a ridiculous nickname.
I am thankful that my immediate family seems relatively sane.
I am thankful.

A Note from the Test Pit

2006-11-19T07:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I haven't been posting very often. That type of thing happens when you are on a dig. To give you all an update, I have been having a great time excavating Anasazi ruins in the middle of the sand. I have excavated a small firepit/hearth and we are in the process of unearthing a possible pithouse in one of the test trenches. I know that sounds boring to the Wife, but it is a lot of fun for me.

As for the Wife, I have an annoying story to tell. The Wife took the Teenager, the Teenager's best friend, Touchdown and Indy all to Salt Lake this weekend so the Teenager could see her high school football team play in the State Championship (they lost). The trip was uneventful but wholly exhausting, and, yesterday when the whole crew arrived back in town, I could see that the Wife was worn down and needed my help. Well, we went to a church luau without the kids and then went to the grocery store to load up on essentials for next few days. The Wife stayed in the car while I went in and I decided that I would give her a little surprise. She loves the author, Janet Evanovich, so I thought I would get her Janet's new book called "Thanksgiving" for a special gift. I figured she could read it in the tub as she was soaking (she likes that kind of thing). I was looking forward to her reaction to my little gift when I plopped the grocery bag on her lap. I told her I got her a little surprise and awaited my coronation as "Husband of the Year".

The response: "Oh, that is so thoughtful, but I read this book this weekend on my trip."

A guy just can't win.

A Note on Tu-tus

2006-11-05T15:23:00.000-08:00

So, the life and times here at the castle have been hectic to say the least.

The Teenager is completely boy crazy and is fixated on her appearance and hygiene to the Nth degree. To wit, I was driving her to school the other day when her mascara clumped on her eyelash. Instead of dealing with the situation with any kind of normal logic, she shuffled through her 18-lbs handbag and found a safety pin. She then opened the safety pin (making it infinitely less safe) and used the sharp end to break up the clump. I look over at her (while I'm driving) to see a needle millimeters from her eyeball. Good thing I didn't slam on the breaks. What was she thinking?

And then we go and let the Teenager drive!?!?

Yeah, we do.

Well, whenever I make a bold move or a dangerous move in the minivan, the Wife yells, "Hold on to your tu-tus, girls."

With that in mind, you will understand the following story.

The Teenager is constantly needling us (no pun intended) to allow her to drive now that she has her learner's permit, so the other day, the Wife relented and gave her the chance to drive. Knowing that her sister is no Mario Andretti just yet, little Touchdown curled up into a little ball in her car seat and said the following:

"Go ahead, Sis, and do your traffic thing, my tu-tus are all holded on to!"

Out of the mouths of babes.

A Note from the Field

2006-11-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

I wonder what it all means.

A Note on Archaeology

2006-10-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

Whew.

My wife has told me she is very disappointed that I am not blogging as frequently as I used to. Well, who knew she even cared? I must say that with my father and my brother both blogging, the Jones family name is still in the blogosphere. I don't know that I would claim my brother after his most recent blog about the ladies room, but he is a blood relation.

As for me, I am fine and the family here in the castle is fine. The Teenager is busily involved in yet another year of High School Swimming (she placed 2nd in the most recent 100 M Backstroke event) and Touchdown is busy with swimming lessons (the Wife practically lives at the pool). Lil Indy is now in full destructo mode as he travels from one room to the other destroying things. He has emptied out the Wife's purse a mere hundred times.

As for the Wife, she has had a rough week. Her uncle passed away this week (a heartfelt condolences go out to her extended family) and her work has been a struggle (she deserves a raise). I love her very much and support her in everything she is doing.

As for me, I am loving my job. It is amazing how much a great job can influence your personal well-being. Just this week, I found a piece of Southern Paiute pottery, an Archaic arrowhead called a Sudden Side-Notched, an arrowhead called an Elko Eared, and a series of Rock Art Panels that were well known but never recorded. It was a lot of fun. I hope to figure out how my camera phone works so I can show all of you my finds, but until then I'll just talk like an archaeologist and bore my wife to tears.

Its all good. Happy Halloween everybody.

A Note on Innovation

2006-10-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

I am now a cell phone owner. Much to my dismay, the Wife has purchased a cell phone so that I can remain in touch no matter where I am in the world. She almost bought me a pink cell phone but I lucked out and I was able to get a blue one (the last one at RadioShack).

Oh, and I almost forgot to tell everyone that the Teenager now has a learning permit to drive. The entire neighborhood is in a state of alert. Yesterday, we let her drive the van home from Dutchman's Market and she did well until she tried a left hand turn. Apparently she doesn't really have a good feel for how fast a car should be travelling when the turn is executed. 35 mph is a bit quick. We made the turn but little Touchdown exclaimed, "That was a little scary!" I agreed with the assessment.

Our life's are quickly spiralling out of control. The minivan on two wheels is not a pretty scene.

A Note for the Old Man

2006-10-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

Yep, the Old Man (aka the Wizard, Grandpa Jones, my father) has decided to enlighten us all by starting his own blog. I am a bit apprehensive, however, for fear that he will reveal all of my secrets, but he does that already on my blog, so.....big deal!

I don't know what happened to my blogroll so you can access his blog here if you like. Good luck and remember that you all asked for it and now you got it.

A Note from Milford

2006-10-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would send you all a little hello from Milford, Utah. It is going splendidly. As a reward for your patience, I am adding a few little fotos of the King and his finds.

Here I am recording an Anasazi rubble mound and its associated junk. Yeah, that's me looking so svelte. As for what I found...check out the olivella bead. Not that impressive, but we were all excited.

I'll check in with you all later this week.

A Note on Purgatory

2006-09-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

As many of you are aware, the Wizard puts together a horse race every year called the Purgatory Cup. You can access his website in my blogroll if you like. Well, today was the day of the big event and the whole family went out to help the old man at the track. I just have to say how proud I am of my family for all of their hard work and how proud I am of the Wizard for how he conducts that event.

Here in Utah we have no pari-mutual betting which means that putting together a legitimate event is almost unheard of, but the Wizard does it each and every year. I emcee the thing and the Teenager and the Wife are the wheels that run the show, and they were stars today. The Wizard's wife (my mother) and my brother (known here as Jedora) were also there today lending their support and doing their part. They, too, are all-stars.

Wizard, I lament every year that you do this crazy thing, but I am always so satisfied after its done. We really make a difference to the people of this community and it is rewarding to have that feeling. I hope you keep doing it. I am so tired right now. I am about to pas........zzzzzz.

A Note on My Absence

2006-09-25T15:18:00.000-07:00

Well, to say the least, this week has been so incredibly busy. I am involved in an archaeological inventory (survey) on the Arizona Strip about 35 miles south of Fredonia near the Grand Canyon and that involves about 5 hours a day of driving and I have been getting back exceptionally late and leaving very early. Sooo......my blogging has taken a hit.

With that in mind, I have a few fun tidbits of info for those of you who still look in on occasion. The Teenager is now fully boy crazy and is getting in to the high school football games (she likes to cheer on the boys). This past week, her high school team (the undefeated Snow Canyon Warriors) was playing an away game that was broadcast on the local AM radio station. She was desperate to listen to the game with her friends but, alas, couldn't figure out how to turn the radio in the minivan to AM. I should mention that her girlfriends couldn't either. She can program a super-complicated I-pod, but flipping the band to an AM station perplexes her. I just thought it amusing.

Touchdown and Lil Indy are like a demolition team. They are currently planning their next bombing run.

The Wife is currently planning Christmas shopping excursions across the valley and I am starting to get cold sweats.

As for the King, I am just happy about my recent finds. I discovered an Olivella shell bead on one of the sites we were surveying and am now the big hero at my company. The Wife and the Teenager were not all that impressed. How about you, Wizard?

A List of Things You Don't Want to Hear from The Wife

2006-09-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

Simple and self-explanatory. Here goes.

1. "Hey, Honey, we need to talk."
2. "Pull my finger."
3. "I don't know why I'm so emotional this week."
4. "I'm so excited. There's a Lifetime movie on tonight I've been dying to see."
5. "I can't remember where I put your shoes."
6. "They're your children, today!!!!"
7. "Did you remember to mail that check?"
8. "I had a little accident today in the van, but it doesn't look too bad."
9. "How much is too much to spend on a Christmas decoration?"
10. "Honey, you really need a shower. Bad!"

A Note on the State of Things

2006-09-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

My brother wrote a little bit about 9/11 on his blog a couple of days ago and I guess I need to talk about it as well.

I remember driving to the University of Utah for a few classes and I would listen to an alternative rock station on the way there when I wasn't listening to sportsradio. I thought it odd that they thought the whole thing was a big prank at first. I mean, the DJ was about to crack a joke but he thought better of it, cause he couldn't quite wrap his head around the whole thing. When the second plane hit the WTC, the co-DJ audibly gasped on the air. It was at that moment that I knew things had gone horribly wrong.

I was in the parking lot of the U, sitting in my car, stunned, but I had to get to class. We did very little that day but we all sat there and discussed things in shock. I then went home and the Wife and I watched as both towers fell. It was surreal to discuss with her just how we wanted to tell the Teenager, who was merely 10-years old at the time. We got confirmation that my sister in D.C. was fine and that was a great relief, but we also found out that several people that she know had been killed in the Pentagon. What a tragedy!

Like so many others have said in the last several days, I hope the country unites rather than bickers. I hope we realize the wonder it is to live in freedom and that we will not benefit from in-fighting. Grow up, America!

A Note on Chocolate and Fire

2006-09-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

Some interesting happenings here at the castle and out and around in the hinterlands.

The Teenager has been howling recently that she neeeeeeeds chocolate. I think it is a woman thing but...whatever! Anyway, little Touchdown has been overhearing these constant nagging moanings and groanings and decided to take matters into her own hands. She decided she would make some chocolate for her sister. We, of course, thought she was going to use her imagination and come up with some pretend chocolate, but, alas, we were oh-so-wrong.

Yeah, she sneaked into the pantry and found some Teddy Grahams and managed to sneak away with a small handful. She then slyly placed them onto the table next to her crayons. She proceeded to grab a chocolate brown crayon and color the Teddy Grahams a wonderful chocolate color. It actually looked pretty appetizing despite the fact it had to taste like toxic dirt. She was so proud of her accomplishment that she wanted her sister to try them. The Teenager wasn't really up to going along with the charade so we had to burst little Touchdown's bubble. She wasn't too upset, but she was quite disturbed when we told her she couldn't eat them, either. That was okay, too, but she wanted them back so she could "wash" the crayons off and eat them. I almost let her try it.

Later that day, the Wife and I and the kids went out to dinner at a local hamburger joint called "Larson's Frostop". Everything was going along swell when I looked out the window and saw that the median of the main road in St. George was on fire. The city had just renovated St. George Boulevard and created medians and filled the medians with wood chips until the landscaping was ready to begin. So it wasn't a raging fire but rather a tiny smoldering fire caused by an errant cigarette. Still, I saw the fire and didn't want it to spread. I, however, was the only person that noticed the fire or cared that it was burning so I must have looked like an idiot as I walked out to the median in my cargo shorts and open-toed sandals and started jumping up and down trying to put out the fire.

Add to the scene the fact that I can hardly walk due to two quarter-sized blisters on each heel and I must have been quite a sight. Note to self: Do not try to put out fire with sandals on. Fire will burn rubber soles and burn toe hair. After discovering this, I hobbled over to the Chinese Restaurant closest to the fire and asked them for some water to put out the fire. "Wha happen?" said the Chinese guy as he looked out the window to the road. "I don't see nuttin."

"The median is on fire," I yelled.

"Wha?"

"Fire!!"

By this time the patrons of the restaurant are beginning to realize what is happening but the Chinese guy is not. Eventually he got me some water and I put out the fire. I am really a hero, but probably only in my own mind.

The Wife and the kids were only embarrassed.+

A Note on Comings and Goings

2006-08-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

And so it begins...

Today marks the first day of Touchdown's formal schooling. She is off to preschool this morning and we are all holding our collective breaths. Its not that we really think anything bad will occur, its just that we don't know what will come out of her mouth in a given day. I am scared she will tell everyone about the bugs in her hair (they are all gone now, but...). The Wife should be scared that her disciplinary practices will be revealed for the whole world. I can just hear Touchdown saying, "My mama puts me in time out for hours and hours." It is really only four minutes, but...

I work with the husband of the preschool teacher, so I have already warned the teacher that Touchdown is a loose cannon capable of nearly anything, but I wonder if she has any real idea. Just a couple of days ago, Touchdown found another sequine on the ground and has been carrying it around like its her best friend. Go figure.

So my fingers have been cemented in a crossed position for the last week and we are hoping for the best.

A Note on Goofy Dogs

2006-08-24T07:16:00.000-07:00

In a shocking twist today, astronomers have declared that Pluto is no longer a planet. Pluto, of course, is tremendously disappointed in the declaration and feels its several billion years of revolution around the sun should count for something.

In a press release this morning, Pluto declared, "I am hurt and saddened by the demotion and I promise to fight this in the courts. My lawyers and I have a meeting this afternoon to decide the exact course we will take, but I suspect we will be appealing this."

Astronomy insiders have speculated for months about the demotion, but thought the cost of changing every single school textbook in the world would deter astronomers from making the demotion.

Astronomer Crazy McWhoCares stated, "Pluto has been on our nerves since the beginning with its elliptical path around the sun and its suspect atmosphere. Frankly, I don't much like it."

The news of Pluto's demotion has sparked rallies in several cities around the United States and a huge rally will be held tomorrow morning at Disneyworld where Pluto fans have promised to stage a sit-in to prevent Space Mountain from operating. Asked to comment about the outrage felt by Pluto fans and their proposed sit-in, President Bush declared, "I like that Goofy fella, but Pluto, I think he got what he deserved."

A List of Puerto Vallarta

2006-08-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

The Wife and I tried to escape from our humdrum existence and take a five-year anniversary trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico this past week and this is what we learned.

1. We are really addicted to our children. We missed them dearly.
2. Prices in Puerto Vallarta go up exponentially when the cruise ships show up in the harbor.
3. The economy of Puerto Vallarta is intimately tied to alcohol consumption (not a good mix for two teatotalling Mormons).
4. $2.50 is a lot to pay for a can of Diet Pepsi at the Marriott Casamagna Resort.
5. Waterfalls and beaches are cool no matter where they are.
6. I probably forgot to tip somebody.
7. Baby turtles released into the ocean are darned cute.
8. Humidity and fat guys are a combustible mixture.
9. Mexicans can make pretty good pizza (go to Tony's Pizza at the Marina to find out).
10. Don't ever believe the guy who says he has the "best" price. He doesn't.

A Note on the Piojo

2006-08-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

So I had every intention of writing about Puerto Vallarta today but, alas, the Castle has an infestation of sorts. Both the Teenager and little Touchdown are fighting off head lice. Yeah, head lice!

I tease my wife about the cleanliness of the Castle at times, but in all honesty, the Castle is very spiffy and clean and the Wife is an excellent mother which makes the infestation that much more humiliating and perplexing. Where did they pick it up at?

And let me tell you, the little buggers are nasty and determined to ruin your day. So, today, instead of a pleasant little day of rest, the Joneses are combing through each others' hair and shampooing with lice shampoo. For awhile we looked like a Jane Goodall campsite with as much lice picking as was going on.

Please wish us good luck!

A Note of Explanation

2006-08-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the extended break. The Wife and I travelled to Puerto Vallarta this week for a well-deserved break from our children and a 5-year anniversary and I forgot to keep you all updated on it. I shall have a full report in a day or so once I get caught up with everything around here. As for the little list I left with all of you, here are the all-important answers.

1. I attended my wedding reception in tennis shoes. (This one belongs to the Wizard) The story goes that he wasn't aware that when he rented the tuxedo the shoes were extra. Soooooooo, he decided tennis shoes were the next best option. My worst wedding blunder was probably that I couldn't figure out how to fasten the cufflinks on the shirt.

2. I was twice considered the best basketball player in my religion. (Once again, this belongs to the Wizard) The Mormon Church for many years during the 60's and 70's had an All-Church Basketball Tournament with the best teams meeting for the finals in Salt Lake City or Provo. Well, my father was a two-time MVP of that tournament.

3. I once spoke to a terrorist on the phone. (This one is all mine although my father did work as a counselor at a boys' home so who knows if any of them are terrorists) The story is that a close work friend of mine in Las Vegas met a man at a party and got married to him only to find out from the U.S. Marshals that he was a wanted terrorist known as an outfitter. Well, she found out about him and left him only to harassed by him over the years. He would often call the store where we worked and I would talk to him and try to *69 him. It worked once and we found out he was in Canada.

4. I once tried my hand at farming before realizing "I am not a farmer". (Once again the Wizard strikes) The story is one of great expectations and very little realizations. He does look good in a John Deere hat, though.

5. A group of scared pigs once broke my nose. (The Wizard once again) He was desperately trying to free the pigs from a burning barn when they pushed up against the barn door so violently that the door broke open in a way and clobbered the Wizard right in the nose.

6. I broke my right wrist three separate times. (That would be me) Once I fell off playground equipment. Once was a skateboarding incident. Once was a deadman's flip off the monkey bars in elementary school. They say its strong now.

7. I once appeared on Japanese television. (Me, again) As a salesman in Las Vegas, we often hosted Japanese tour groups in our store. Because I could speak Japanese just a little bit, I was often asked to assist the tour groups. Well, one day a travel show from Japan was featuring Las Vegas as a honeymoon destination and I was the token American salesman in the store.

8. I married out of my league. (Duh, both of us)

9. I once worked on the Yucca Mountain Nuclear Waste Dump. (That would be me again) I wonder sometimes if it somehow retarded my development, so I ask my wife and she just nods and avoids eye contact.

1o. I once punched a man on my Mormon mission. (Both the Wizard and I) I clocked a drunkard who tried to run over me in a jeep and the Wizard levelled one of his missionary companions for sneaking out in the middle of the night and dating some girls (against mission rules and a big no-no).

There you have it. I hope you had fun trying to figure it out. Details of the PV trip upcoming.

A List of Me and the Wizard

2006-08-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's the deal. The following is a list of true facts. Four of them are about the King, four of them are about the Wizard, and two of them are about us both. You be the judge.

1. I attended my wedding reception in tennis shoes.
2. I was twice considered the best basketball player in my religion.
3. I once spoke to a terrorist on the phone.
4. I once tried my hand at farming before realizing "I am not a farmer".
5. A group of scared pigs once broke my nose.
6. I broke my right wrist three separate times.
7. I once appeared on Japanese television.
8. I married way out of my league.
9. I once worked on the Yucca Mountain Nuclear Waste Dump.
10. I once punched a man on my Mormon mission.

A Note on Modest Swimwear

2006-08-07T21:17:00.000-07:00

Trying to get the Teenager a modest swimsuit that doesn't look like Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies. Wish us luck. Somehow I got roped into this fiasco. Don't ask me how.

A Note on Papa-In-Law

2006-08-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

I have taken my pot shots. I have laughed until I nearly fell off a chair. Heck, if you all had a father-in-law like mine, you'd be in the same boat. Simply said, I have the coolest father-in-law anyone could ever ask for.

The whole family and I traveled northward on I-15 this week to spend Saturday at a little park celebrating my father-in-law's 70th birthday. Never mind that his birthday was June 12 or that no one in his entire family lives in the town where we had the party. Truth be told, he waited to have his birthday party until The Teenager got back from her father's house in Houston. He couldn't bear to celebrate without her. As for the location of the party, he wanted it to be central and somewhere familiar. We picked our old neighborhood. It seemed like a good fit.

Everyone had a great time and he seemed very pleased. He got a nice book from one of his niece's entitled, "The Fifty Golf Courses You Have To Play Before You Die". I told him it had better be a quick read.

See, that's just it. I can say that to him and he zings stuff right back at me. When I asked his permission to marry his daughter five years ago, he just laughed and, with a sarcastic glance at his daughter, he said, "Good luck. You'll need it."

I like that about him. He's real. His health has been in question of late (he was diagnosed with a mild form of Alzheimer's over the summer) and I wonder how sharp he will continue to be, but I know that regardless of his health, his heart will always be in exactly the right place. I love ya, Roberto.

A List of Stuff I've Found at My New Job

2006-08-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

I have found hardly anything too extravagant, but I wish to keep all of you informed. Here are my finds.

1. A Navy button from the 50s or 60s.
2. A steel bullet.
3. A Rose Spring arrowhead.
4. A piece of corrugated North Creek Gray pottery (Anasazi)
5. A limestone scraper.
6. A possible chert source.
7. A new way to lose weight (intense walking)
8. A kit fox.
9. A mountain bluebird.
10. My Wife's cheery disposition.

A Note on Buzzing Bees

2006-08-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

Touchdown has a new best friend. She calls it a bee, but most of us know it as a common house fly. It is her best friend and tonight it is having a sleepover with Touchdown. Normally, a little creativity and imagination are a wonderful thing, but when the three-year-old gets hysterical when the Wife brushes the fly away from the dining table, I have to draw a line.

Now I didn't do anything too drastic. I could have gotten the flyswatter and been big, mean Daddy, but instead I just let the Wife handle things as she explained that the fly would probably be back following the brushing away but that Mommy wanted the "bee" to go back to her family and see her mommy and daddy. That seemed to placate Touchdown to some extent.

So, all those years as a bachelor, I was just hosting sleepovers for lonely "bees". Dirty bathrooms will encourage that, you know.

A Note on Girl's Camp

2006-07-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

The Wife is absolutely no camper. Her idea of camping is a Howard Johnson with only a double bed and no continental breakfast. Beyond that, she is so far out of her element that it borders on very comical. So imagine my delight at learning that she has been called to be a Girl's Camp director in charge of the survival hike for the young girls in our religious congregation. Yep, that's right, the Wife and the Teenager under the stars living on MRE's, beef jerky and granola. Well, the hike (9 miles) and the night in the tent on the rock hard ground took place this week and the Wife survived.

Well, survived is putting it generously. She still can't walk fully upright and she hasn't stopped cussing for the last several days, but she is slowly getting off the ibuprofin. Ahhhhh, the joys of Girl's Camp.

P.S. She claims her girls ate the best meals. BTW...The Teenager went on the hike in Houston and found out that hiking in Houston involves sidewalks and ice cream vendors.

A Note on Memories

2006-07-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

On a little different tack today, I wanted to talk about memories (not the cheesy, all-too-common, Doritos-and-Pepsi-at-the-party kind of memories, but the truly influential, important memories that we share with people that really matter in our lives).

Brianna recently wrote of some of the memories she shared with a friend whose husband just passed away. It got me thinking of the wonderful people in my life that have shared so much with me over the years. I think sometimes that I take those memories for granted. I take for granted that my best friend in high school helped me save a kid who had broken his hip and had gone into shock after falling from a 60-ft cliff into the Snake River. I forget that my first kiss was with a wonderfully charming young lady whose mother was killed in a car wreck only a year after that first kiss. I forget that one of my co-workers at Fendi went to bat for me when I really needed her to.

I guess I sometimes take for granted the sacrifices that my friends and acquaintances have made for me over the years. I sometimes forget that they struggle with life just like I do. I have lost contact with the friends I mentioned earlier. I hear through the grapevine how they are doing, but I rarely find it in me to seek them out and give them a friendly greeting or a slap on the back.

I will be better.

I hope you, too, will be better.

A Note on Frying in the Sun

2006-07-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

So, I guess I'd better give an update of the job situation. So far, so good, but the Wife and the Wizard are both concerned about my well-being. And I kind of empathize with them.

Exhibit A:

Thursday of this week, I went out to Sand Hollow, a local reservoir, and was involved in a monitoring situation on a project that is set to begin construction within the next six or eight months. We were there to insure that no culturally sensitive areas were disturbed by the test drilling of a soils testing firm. All went pretty well, except when the backhoe guy may or may not have driven through a site. We were monitoring but he wasn't paying attention to us. The problem arose from the fact that it was nearly 110 degrees and we were walking around in soft red sand for hours on end. I am a fat man! The sun and I have a tenuous relationship at best, and I have to go out there for hours on end? The Wife and the Wizard are convinced I am going to die. I wasn't convinced of that until...

Exhibit B:

Friday of this week, we went and surveyed a power line project that stretches nearly four miles along the choppiest, up-and-down terrain out here amidst sandstone fins and outcroppings. Add to that the 110-degree temperature for the second straight day and the fat man was in bad shape. I really did start seeing mirages and they were all of the Wizard telling me to get in better shape. It was miserably painful, but I survived and even enjoyed the experience in a sick and twisted way. I am, however, starting to see their side of the argument.

This week:

Office work. I can put to rest the questions for at least another week.

On a side note, the teenager returned from her dad's house last night and all is well again here at the Castle. It's her birthday today (she turned 15!). Happy Birthday, Teenager!

A Memory of Crushes

2006-07-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

My little Touchdown has her first boyfriend. He's a nice young man of about 4, so she likes older men. He's in our church congregation but they are in different Sunday School classes (Primary), but that doesn't stop her from blushing and waving to him. Today she actually tripped over the curb because she was ogling him from afar. It really is quite amusing.

I think he likes her, too. They barked like dogs during the church service today so that must mean something, right? She actually behaved very well during church to impress him.

I remember my first crush. I was a little older than Touchdown and I liked this girl named Paula. She could run really fast and that was quite an attractive feature for me. I don't think she ever knew that I liked her though as it was a secret. I can't imagine how embarrassed I would have been if any of the guys thought I liked girls back in those days. They had cooties for sure.

A Note on Water Glyphs

2006-07-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

I don't want to sound like an archaeology snob, but I went out yesterday on the second field day of my career and found some fun things. We stumbled across a perfect arrowhead and then we discovered what they are calling a water glyph. It is talked about in some detail here, but there is really little consensus on what they mean. It is really a fascinating little anomoly and one that warrants some study.

As for the family, the Wife is doing fine and she has us attending a play tomorrow at Tuacahn. So, we shall be sitting at an outdoor theater in 95 degree temperatures watching "South Pacific" tomorrow at about 8:30. Wish me good luck.

A Note on the Other Indy

2006-07-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I am a bit of an archaeology buff and have been to about 30 Mayan sites and last year the girls and I went to Mesa Verde on an archaeology tour of sorts. Well, I have an anthropology degree from the University of Utah and, although I love it so much, I never really thought much about the possibility of persuing a career in that field. I always just thought it would be a hobby of sorts. In fact, I stopped applying for Forest Service jobs and BLM jobs several years ago.

Fast forward to this week. The Wife is planning a hike for Girl's Camp for the Teenager and herself and needed to talk to the Camp Director (a lady from our neighborhood and a member of our religious congregation). In the course of the conversation, both women lament the fact that their husbands are archaeology geeks and that their husbands' interests are sooooooo boring. They both laughed before the Camp Director lady confided that her husband is an actual archaeologist and is, in fact, looking for someone to hire on to help him with his business.

The plotters conspired and the archaeologist guy called me and invited me on a survey. I went. I almost died of exhaustion. He liked my work (I guess) and offered me a job.

So, anyway, today I am a professional archaeologist. Go figure. The whole thing has been such a remarkable blessing. I am Indiana Jones.

A Note on Senility

2006-07-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

What really bugs me is when my increasingly senile parents beat me in Canasta.

It's not that they beat me, it's how they beat me. My mother suddenly discovers she had an extra ace hiding behind that 4 or my father finally figures out he has three of a kind sitting in his hand the whole time. Neither one of them remembers their glasses when they come over so they have to sit and hold their cards at arms-length just to see them and then they often can't tell the difference between the cards. You would think we should be able to defeat them at will and yet somehow they manage to sneak victory from the hands of defeat all the time. Tonight's tally. Old folks--2, King and Queen--1.

I can just see my father gloating as he reads this. I think I'm going to be sick.

A Note on Balls

2006-07-06T20:13:00.000-07:00

So Baby Indy is turning into Little Dude Indy and he is starting to talk quite a bit. He is already running all over the place and getting into the toilet paper and pulling his sister's hair. Here are a few observations about Little Dude Indy.

13,576--The number of times he says the word "Ball" in a given day.
4--The number of times he says "Potty" in the same day (he's pretty regular).
253--The number of times he screams like a girl imitating his sister in a given day.
15--The number of times he pulls his sister's hair making her scream in a given day.
7--The number of times he pulls all of my books off the bookcase in a given week.
7--The number of times the King loses his mind in a given week.
14--The number of times the King's lovely wife loses her mind in a given week.
14--The number of times a hug by Little Dude Indy placates the King's wife in a given week.

He's such a mama's boy.

A List of 1933

2006-07-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am caught up in writing these books about my grandmothers. I just finished one that can be found at my Publishing Page in my blogroll and I am now doing a similar project about my Grandma Dorothy (Surprise, Wizard!).

Anyway, I have been snooping around in her journal and have come across a few doozies from 1933 (when she was just 15). Here are a few observations.

1. My Grandmother ate shrimp in 1933 in Blanding, Utah (How did it get there of all places?).
2. Kids were enamored with riding in someone's vehicle in 1933.
3. There was a dance or a cotillion at least twice a week.
4. Listening to the radio was a favorite pastime of nearly every kid in 1933.
5. They had strange names in 1933 (so far I've found Ven, Kerm, Clessa, Clyn, Pep, and DeMar).
6. Sewing and making supper occupied a lot of every day.
7. My grandfather went to sheep camp a lot of the time.
8. Kids really weren't that different than they are now.
9. My grandmother hung out at the post office alot.
10. Journals really aren't that interesting.

A Note on the Evil Amish

2006-06-28T11:59:00.000-07:00

The Wife is all fired up on this little article and I have to agree with her. What in the world are law enforcement officials doing? Are we absolutely sure they have nothing else to do but go and harrass these people?

Now if they take their unpasteurized milk into the city and start hawking it to children and selling it on the street corners, I would have a problem with it, but if the police are soliciting it from their dairies, that is quite a different deal.

I just hope they didn't release any sexual predators from the prison to make room for these milk dealers.

A Note on Dora and Touchdown

2006-06-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

Overheard this past week while my sister and her children have been visiting the Wizard.

My Sister (upon entering the play room and seeing Dora, my niece, and Touchdown squatting over two ice cream tubs filled with HotWheels): What in the world are you two doing in here?

5-yr. old Dora (with a look of innocence): We're poopin' cars.

Touchdown (with a giggle and a nod of her head): Yeah, Aunt J, we're poopin' cars.

My Sister: Well, okay, then.

Overheard this week as Dora and Touchdown had a sleepover at the Castle.

The Wife (upon discovering that both Dora and Touchdown are completely naked in Touchdown's room): What in the world are you two doing in here?

Dora (with a look of innocence): We're playin' naked house.

Touchdown (with a giggle and a nod of her head): Yeah, Mom, were playin' naked house.

The Wife: Well, okay, then.

I sometimes wonder what we are teaching here at the Castle.

A Note on Bernie Crocker

2006-06-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

So it's Father's Day again and I have some stunning news to report to all of you regarding the Wizard (aka My Father).

Because my brother, the Wizard, and I made dinner for the girls on Mother's Day it is only fair that they should be the ones to cook for the boys on Father's Day. So it was. My mother asked me what I might like for Father's Day and I mentioned that I might like her famous homemade burritos and she responded positively and went out and slow-cooked a pork roast and made some of the best meat filling in the history of mankind. She also decided to make her world famous homemade tortillas to wrap around the roasted pork filling. I hadn't asked for the tortillas but was super-excited to be able to have them for Father's Day. I was geeked beyond comprehension. It was going to be a stellar Father's Day to be sure.

Imagine my shock, however, when I arrived at my parents' house this afternoon to find my father (a man's man, a throwback to the good ole days, an all-American male chauvinist) cooking tortillas like he was some behemoth version of Betty Crocker and Tia Juana all rolled into one. I was flabbergasted and, let me tell you, there's a lot of flabber to be gasted. My father has been sissified to the point of nonrecognition. I don't know who he is anymore. I expected him to be burping and grunting on the couch watching the U.S. Open, but, no, he was more interested in the way the tortillas were rising.

I really don't know what else I can say. I hope he has some reasonable explanation for his behavior. Wizard? Please help me see the light. I'm so confused.

A List of Things Learned on the Road

2006-06-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

With all of the travelling we have done over the last several weeks (D.C. and Salt Lake), I have had some revelations. Here is a quick primer on my revelations.

1. Touchdown can say something over and over at least 50 times and not get tired.
2. Shoes weigh a lot when you are walking through an airport.
3. Lost items do, in fact, sometimes make it to the Lost and Found.
4. The pilots on most planes pick the most inopportune times to talk on the intercom (at the precise moment that Indy goes to sleep)
5. People who smoke in non-smoking hotel rooms ought to be neutered.
6. The Wife does not handle pressure well.
7. Touchdown has lots of imaginary friends.
8. We (the Wife and I) are severely sleep-deprived.
9. The Teenager does not enjoy museums.
10. I am a Westerner through and through. (No mountains means confused and claustrophobic King)

A Note on the White House

2006-06-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

Overheard while on the White House tour.

Naive American Tourist (pointing at a presidential portrait): "Excuse me, Mr. Secret Service Guy, whose portrait is that in the corner over there?"

Secret Service Guy (in very serious tone): "Sir, that is the presidential portrait of President Harrison Ford."

Naive American Tourist (nodding his head): "President Harrison Ford. Thanks so much. Honey, the guy said it is President Harrison Ford. I knew it."

The King looks over at Secret Service Guy to see wry, little smile creep onto his face.

The King (with admiration): "Nice one."

Secret Service Guy: "Thanks."

It's nice to know there is some levity in the White House.

A Note on Colonial Williamsburg

2006-06-07T17:53:00.000-07:00

So, the vacation came to an end and we did great. The kids endured and even enjoyed the experience and the adults made it through. On Monday we (meaning the Wife, the King, and the three kids as well as my sister and her four kids aged 3-9) journeyed to Williamsburg, Virginia to visit Colonial Williamsburg. As a public service, I offer here my critique and assessment of all things Colonial and Williamsburgian.

For those of you not familiar with the concept, back in the 1930's, John D. Rockefeller bought a bunch of land in Williamsburg, Virginia with the idea of reconstructing and preserving the Colonial capital that once stood there. Several of the original buildings remained there and the concept of preservation is still very much adhered to at the site. The site also tries to give visitors a flavor of what it might have been like to live in that era with actual craftsmen and workers plying their trade on the streets of this capital. To wit, there is a very fragile balance between education, entertainment, and preservation at this quasi-historical/theme-parkish enterprise. Reenactments abound but all within the actual framework of the era and the location.

The Pros:

The preservation and the reconstruction was simply amazing. The Governor's Palace beams with stature and elegance and the Wythe House, though simple, provides a manorly example of Colonial life. My kids loved the chickens, the sheep, and the oxen that seem to be spread throughout the experience. I loved the two archaeological sites which were both informative and well presented to the public. I even had a PhD student from William and Mary sit and spend ten minutes with me describing his site. The Wife and the Sister both enjoyed the quaint buildings and especially enjoyed the Bruton Parish churchhouse that is still a functioning parish with routine services.

The reenactments were first-rate and for history buffs and all others people without seven children in tow, they were well worth staying and seeing. The cast members were all well informed and, in some cases, downright scary. Of all the things that we did, the brickmaker was the highlight of the trip. There is just something about letting little kids slop around in mud that makes them smile from ear to ear. Our kids were no exeptions. Even the King dirtied his feet in pursuit of a good time.

The Cons:

Bring your own food. I like roasted quail at $25 a plate as well as the next guy, but with seven children in tow, I wasn't about to fork out that much after I just forked out $42 for my entrance fee. We wound up paying $6.00 each for PB & J sandwiches, kettle chips, cookies, and apples which sounds like a great deal (and is) except when it takes them 25 minutes to get the sandwiches to you. I am pretty sure that in colonial times, the patrons of restaurants that didn't give them good service threw a fit. I did not, but I sure wanted to. Oh, and I paid a slick $7.95 for a pedestrian roast beef sandwich. Word to the wise: Take your own food and drink.

The cost is steep. My sister said she would pay each and every time cause she loved the history and the tours were so informative, but for the average family where King's Dominion and Busch Gardens are just a stone's throw away, the cost is steep and the payoff is limited. Some kids will get bored cause outside of frolicking in the mud, there isn't much exciting there for the Gameboy and PS2 crowd.

All of this said, I loved it. This is real and living history. The College of William and Mary (founded in 1693) sits right there and kids are attending classes as you are touring and sightseeing. I loved the whole thing and even suggest you travel down the Colonial Parkway to Yorktown and see the sites there as well. Beautiful and informative at the same time.

A Note on Sore Feet

2006-06-01T18:53:00.000-07:00

So here we are in the nation's Capital and we are having a great, albeit, exhausting experience. We managed to get here in one piece, but having a lap baby on a red-eye flight is really not the best idea we have ever had. We made it through but neither the Wife nor I got any sleep whatsoever on either flight. We are wiped out!

The White House? How was it, you ask? A fraud of a tour to be sure. We saw a room where the daughter of a president once had a dance. Woohoo! Oh and we saw a room painted green and a completely other one painted what looked like it could have been blue. The excitement was palpable for sure. I can see why you have to get such top secret clearance to go on this tour. Yawn.

The Capitol tour? Excellent. I have done it twice now and both times it was spectacular and the highlight of our day. The history is so cool and the sense of importance at that building is truly evident. I was again delighted to see that building.

The rest of the day? We saw the National Postal Museum. Yawn. I love my post offices, but a whole museum dedicated to mail delivery? We then went and ran through the National Gallery of Art which I love but which made the Teenager almost die of boredom. Then the trip to the National Archives. Again, the sense of greatness when you are actually looking at the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution was simply palpable. I kind of teared up in there.

Then a trip to the Museum of American History where the Teenager and I were quite disappointed to find that Indiana Jones' whip and hat were not on display. They had some Jim Henson creations instead but the Swedish Chef is no Short Round. By this time, the Wife had just lost it. She was so far over the edge, there was no saving her. I think I was in danger of getting a cuffing across the back of the head for absolutely no reason just because she was beyond tired and had gone to Grumpyville.

So here I am blogging trying to avoid all eye contact. The kids are in bed. I should be okay.

A Note on the DC Vacation

2006-05-30T07:09:00.000-07:00

We are almost on our way. The hour is drawing near and the kids are getting excited. We will be leaving this evening at like 1:00 in the morning and we have a White House tour about an hour after we get off the plane. Happy, happy, joy, joy!!!

I am not looking forward to the plane trip with a three-year old and a little baby, but it will definitely make it interesting.

Speaking of the three-year old, Touchdown came up with this gem while seated on the toilet yesterday.

"Momma, I hope when the poopie comes out, it looks like a flower."

The wife informs me she was hoping the smell might have been flower-like but she wasn't holding her breath. Oh, wait, yes she was holding her breath. Anyway, you get the idea.

A List of Oil and Water

2006-05-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

I present here a list of things that just don't go together no matter how you slice it.

1. Starbursts and Diet Pepsi
2. NBA Playoffs and Nickelodeon
3. Barbie boots and Daddy's bare feet
4. 9th Grade Award Ceremonies and Fun
5. Canasta Nights and Going to Bed at 10:00
6. Stores in our town and XXXL shirts
7. Asparagus and Teenagers
8. Silence and Touchdown
9. Self-Esteem and Faulty Scales
10. Blogging and Productivity

A List of Mission Disasters

2006-05-22T16:02:00.000-07:00

I have variously mentioned almost all of the following mishaps at some point in the last year and a half, but I felt like today I should mention them all at one time.

As many of you know from reading my blog, I served a Mormon mission in Asuncion, Paraguay and points close to there about 18 years ago. I thoroughly enjoyed my mission experience and remain an active member of my church to this day (I teach Sunday School to the adults of my congregation), but my mission was a test of survival more than anything else. Paraguay is, well, rustic and outdated as far as modern conveniences go. Today, I will recount the trials and travails I experience while there.

1. I fell out of a moving bus (it was going about 30 m.p.h).
2. I was bitten in the leg by a Great Dane.
3. I had a machete thrown at my head by a crazy lady.
4. I fell through the window of an overturned bus on to the body of a decapitated woman and I, subsequently, fell unconscious.
5. I was held at gunpoint for nearly two hours by a drunken policeman.
6. I woke up to find a cow in my apartment.
7. I was involved in a fist fight with the drunken mayor of a small town (Total self-defense on my part as he tried to run me over with his Jeep).
8. I awoke to find that my apartment had been stoned during the night.
9. I had my apartment broken into and $40 stolen.
10. I stayed in my apartment for two days straight as the Paraguayan Army performed a coup-de-etat and ousted Dictator Alfredo Stroessner (I was staying in Stroessner's most loyal town and the target of the Army).

Other than that it was quite spiritual.

A Note on the Autobiography

2006-05-19T21:32:00.000-07:00

Yippee!!!

The book about my grandmother has just arrived and looks incredible and hopefully my mother is pleased.

You all can see it here.

It took a tremendous amount of time and energy, but it was so worth it. Should any of you be interested in the process, please feel free to e-mail me or comment here. I am so impressed with the services at Lulu and will be using them over and over again.

A Memory of Summer Trips

2006-05-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

As a child, I had the distinct privilege of driving around the country on various occasions with my family on family trips. The Wizard always went to a big convention every year and we went with him. In a family with five children, the trips were always an opportunity to beat on each other and ultimately to bond with each other. Here are a few of the highlights we enjoyed over the years.

1. Racing armadillos in San Angelo, Texas.
2. Playing "Rocks" or "Spoons" in Omaha, Nebraska and falling into the swimming pool to secure the victory.
3. Hitting golf balls over the Continental Divide in Glacier National Park, Montana.
4. Body surfing in the Atlantic Ocean in Saint Augustine, Florida.
5. Cruising the Saint John River outside Palatka, Florida and spotting alligators and water moccasins.
6. Drinking ice cold water in Wall, South Dakota.
7. Seeing the bats fly out of Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico.
8. Calling "Shotgun" coming out of every fast food place we ever exited.
9. Playing penny poker in Lethbridge, Canada.
10. Eating cut carrots every single day as a "healthy snack" on the road.

I hope my children have as many great memories as I have had.

A List of Things To Do Before My Vacation

2006-05-18T09:12:00.000-07:00

The Wife and I got a crazy deal to go to Washington, D.C. flying out from Las Vegas: $123 per person/round trip. Now, of course, the flight is a midnight red-eye, but for $123 each I'd sit on the wing if I had to. What this all means is that the Wife and I are busy for the next ten days. Here is a list of things I have yet to do.

1. Spray the yard for weeds.
2. Find the suitcases that have been in storage for ages.
3. Buy lots of Nyquil for the little ones for the flight.
4. Convince the Teenager to pack lightly.
5. Convince the Wife to pack lighter than the Teenager.
6. Figure out how to carry two sleeping kids and two carseats on to the plane.
7. Beat the Wizard at Canasta (Sunday night?)
8. Find the paperwork for our hotel, car rental, and White House tour.
9. Buy lots of Tylenol for the headaches this is all sure to cause.
10. Mow the lawn. (Hey, honey, leave the computer alone!)

Wizard, I won't even need you to watch the kids while we are gone. Just relax and enjoy. Your eldest daughter is hosting so you will get the whole story, I'm sure.

A Note on Roy Rogers

2006-05-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

Touchdown is known to start singing random songs for absolutely no reason, but today the random song was "Don't Fence Me In", which was written by Cole Porter and sung by Roy Rogers, Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters, and even Harry Connick, Jr. most recently. I don't know why I wanted to find all of that out, but when Touchdown demanded to hear it again, I was forced to Google it and that's what I found out.

Anyway, I was impressed that she found a song that so totally represents her entire theory of life. The Wizard would be impressed that little Touchdown discovered her life's theme so early. Oh, by the way, the Wizard and his lovely wife dismantled the Wife and I in Canasta for Mother's Day. The Wife was on Zyrtec so I doubt that we will count it as an official game, but the Wizard will harp on me if I don't mention it here so I will.

As for other catching up, the book about Grandma Lila has been sent to the printer and we should have a copy of it here this week. It was a ton of fun to do, but exhausting at the same time. I should have a link to it here imminently.

Lastly, happy late Mother's Day to all of you fine mothers out there. We are lucky to have you all.

A Note on the QOTD

2006-05-11T22:20:00.000-07:00

I rarely get to guest-host on someone else's blog, but this week I got invited to guest host the QOTD over at Indy's Place. I am pretty excited to do it. Apparently about 250 people read her blog on a given day while I average about 2 1/2 people per day so its a big jump in readership and pressure. I am up for it.

The gig is that I come up with a question each and every day that I want people to answer. Not too difficult. The first question I am posing involves a party band. What band would you hire to be your party band of choice? I think the Wizard would probably pick Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass and I think my mother might pick the Beach Boys but I am going to go with the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. I was thinking I might go with a band like Weezer or something relatively modern but ultimately the Bosstones won out over The English Beat and K.C. and the Sunshine Band.

I would ask you all to respond here, but I would rather you go over to Indy's Question of the Day and answer it there. After all, that will make me look good.

A Note on Lee

2006-05-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

I don't really know exactly why I am writing this now, but I felt a certain responsibility to express some of my feelings on the matter. I was just reading Janie's Blog and she is struggling with the same thing. So here goes...

My next door neighbor, Lee, passed away yesterday of a heart attack leaving his wife, who is incapacitated because of a chronic back disease that required her doctors to fuse five of her vertebrae together, to fend for herself. The shock for the Wife and I was that Lee was so vibrant and alive and healthy. For the year and a half he lived on our block, he would go for a long walk every morning and he would come home and work on his yard that was so meticulously manicured. He was always waving at everyone who entered our neighborhood and he always greeted them with a smile. Of all the old people that live in our neighborhood (and there are a lot) he was not one that we expected to leave us so soon.

This unfortunate event leaves his wife in a terrible bind. She cannot function without his help. What is she going to do? I know she has family but they are far away and have lives of their own. The question that is begging to be asked is "Why?" Why would God allow such bad fortune come to such a wonderful family? Janie is asking the same thing on her blog. Why should a loving God allow such tragedy?

I realize that any answer I offer here could be considered trite considering the heartache that others feel and that I have not felt, but I feel like I should give it my best shot.

I believe all of us were sent here to Earth to learn certain things that will benefit us in the hereafter. For some it is patience, for others it is service, and for others still, it is compassion or forgiveness. I don't pretend to understand the timing that God has for all of us, but in His infinite wisdom, He knows our deficiencies and our strengths and allows us to experience tests that will try us and our mettle. For Janie's friend, perhaps the lesson is selflessness and faith as Janie has mentioned. Perhaps for Janie it is service to her friend in this hour of need. Perhaps for the lovely wife of my friend, Lee, it is perserverance and self-reliance.

It is up to us to battle through and become better men and women. It is up to us to lean on each other and seek comfort in times of trial. I realize that sometimes God appears to be distant and uncaring but, in fact, the opposite is true. He loves us. He cares for us and he wants to extend his arms and embrace us in our times of trial. It is up to us to seek those arms.

Janie, may God bless you and your sweet friend and her husband. Lee, may you rest in a heavenly abode this evening and may your wife find comfort in the arms of her Heavenly Father. God loves you and for that reason he allows you to experience heartache and pain.

A Note on the Killer Flu

2006-05-05T07:39:00.000-07:00

Just laying here perfectly still. The heaves of yesterday and the day before are distant memories. I've lost 5 lbs. and I don't remember the last time I actually ate something. The thought of food just makes me ill. Gotta go. Touchdown has Baby Indy in a choke hold.

A Note on Dry Heaves

2006-05-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

They'd be a lot cleaner than the heaves I'm dealing with right now.

Yep, the castle has been inundated by the 24-hour flu bug and I have been puked on by all three children today. I missed the wife puking by about two minutes. So...I think I will eventually get it, too.

The Wizard, who normally babysits on Tuesdays is officially off due to the unfortunate circumstances here. Unwilling to step up to the plate and take one for the team, I say, but what do I know. Love ya, Dad.

A Memory of Being First Married

2006-04-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

Don't know why, but I wanted to talk about being married today. I know it has its ups and downs for a lot of people and I am really sensitive to that fact, but when you really love someone and think the world of them, marriage is the best thing ever.

My dear sweet wife and I are going to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary later this summer and this week we purchased our tickets to go to Puerto Vallarta to celebrate (we were going to Puerto Rico, but the flights got too expensive all of a sudden). I am so stoked. No children. No work. No Wizard calling at 7 A.M. It is going to be so awesome.

The wife and I did the long distance thing before we got married and then we met up the day before the wedding, got married and then went on a big trip to Tahiti for the honeymoon, so these anniversary trips are a big thing for us.

So why the picture? I don't know. The wife took this picture just after we got back from the honeymoon and we were out at Antelope Island in the middle of the Great Salt Lake and I just think its a cool picture of me (not many pictures of me are very good, so I make the most of the good ones) and it reminds me of that excitement of getting married and sharing life with someone you care about.

So now that you are all bored, I'll shut up. Just thinking about my wife tonight and how lucky I am to be with her. Carry on, citizens!

A Memory of Tiny White

2006-04-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of reading a personal history of my step-grandfather, Brian Laird, who grew up in New Zealand and was commissioned into the British Army in World War II but never actually encountered battle. He tells the story, however, of an Air Commodore named Tiny White, who was apparently a very famous character in New Zealand at that time due to a rather remarkable flight he took from New Zealand to Australia.

The story goes that he and his captain Kingsford Smith were flying to Australia when their little Tri-motor Fokker sprang an oil leak. The leak threatened to ground their flight in the middle of the ocean so Tiny jumped out on the wing with a suitcase and caught the leaking oil in the suitcase and put it back in the engine. My grandfather surmised that he thought the flight time in those days was around 12 hours.

I can't imagine being out on the wing of a plane for 12 hours (or however long he was out there) with a suitcase in one hand and the big blue ocean below me.

Thought it was an amazing story.

A Note on Opening Doors

2006-04-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

Touchdown recently harassed the Wife to let her go to the Penny-Candy Store (aka Judd's General Store). She (Touchdown) was quite distraught to learn that the store was closed because it was too late in the day. That did not go over very well at all with our darling Touchdown so she screamed vehemently for a good 15 minutes in the minivan to the delight of everyone. Finally the Teenager had had enough.

"Touchdown, its closed. The door is locked and they won't let us in."

Touchdown thought about it for awhile before she piped up.

"I know how to get it opened. We walk up to it and say, "Abre!"

Hey, it works on Dora the Explorer.

If that theory doesn't clue you all in to the difficulty we face here in the castle on a regular basis, let me share this dandy about our dear Touchdown and the Wizard.

The Wizard came by to take Touchdown to the park and insisted on having Touchdown dressed in long pants so that the slide wouldn't burn her. Well...Touchdown didn't want to wear the long pants and she threw a royal little fit full of crying and wailing and more crying but eventually the Wizard won out and the little girl put on her long pants with the promise that the Wizard would change her into her skirt once they were done at the park.

All went well and the Wizard had a successful outing and when they were done, he forgot to dress her in her skirt.

"Grandpa, you didn't put me back in my skirt."

"Do you want me to? You know I will if you want me to."

"No, I'm okay, but I didn't want to wear my long pants."

"I know and you got really mad. Touchdown, I don't want you to burn your legs when you go to the park with me because I love you. Grandpa loves you so much. He really loves you."

"Grandpa, if you love me so much, how come you made me cry?"

They always come up with the good questions...

A Note on Saliva

2006-04-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

This gem of a conversation took place today at the Burger Bar as Touchdown and I sat down for a little lunch and Touchdown spotted a little Border Collie at the table next to us.

Touchdown--"Daddy, why do dog's lick?"
The King (after a few seconds of deep thoughts)--"Um, cause they don't have opposable thumbs?"
Touchdown (after an equally long pause)--"Yep, dogs don't have poseable thumbs."
The King--"Yep."
Touchdown--"Yep."

Knowing nods of the head followed by both of us. We got it figured out.

A List of Things I Am Discovering About My Grandmother

2006-04-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

Many of you are aware that I am currently in the process of reading all of my Grandmother's journals with a goal of finishing her life history and publishing it for Mother's Day. It is a monumental task, but I am finding that I love it. My grandmother was a phenomenal woman and I am getting to know her more and more. Here are a few tidbits.

1. She loved soup.
2. At 80 years old, she was very concerned about whether her swimsuit was "Flashy" or "Hot".
3. She ate lots of ice cream.
4. She knew every doctor in Los Angeles County and went to them at one time or another.
5. She was big on trail mix.
6. She included nearly every meal she ever ate in her journals.
7. She attended something like a million funerals and brought treats to each one.
8. Water exercises occupied a good portion of every morning.
9. She was an adept "Upwords" player.
10. She was a genealogy buff.

I am sure to discover other little tidbits as I continue, but these will suffice for now.

A Note on My Hiatus

2006-04-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

On occasion all bloggers get a bit tired with their blog and embark on other adventures. Such is the case for me this week. Don't fret, I am not abandoning my blog, I am just anxiously engaged in another great project and I have had family in town for the Easter holiday.

I am happy to report that Baby Indy is nearly one year old, but we celebrated his birthday early and we should have cake-smashed-on-face-and-in-hair photos imminently. Stay on the alert for them.

On a sadder note, the Wife and I went 0-fer-2 on the Canasta games this weekend, losing to the Wife's family. Maybe they are just smarter than the Wizard and his lovely wife. Hmmmmm.....

A Note on Medical Advice

2006-04-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

This evening the Wizard and his lovely wife visited to play a little canasta (The Queen and I were triumphant). While here the teenager cut the bottom of her foot by stepping on some scrapbooking supplies she had strewn out across the entire width of the living room floor (that's a post for another time). Well, the Teenager yelped and elicited enough sympathy from the grandparent's for Touchdown to get interested (she would hate to be upstaged by her sister). The following is a pretty accurate account of the exchange between the two.

Touchdown--"Sissy, what happened to you?"

Teenager--"I hurt my foot, Touchdown."

Touchdown--"You hurt your foot?"

Teenager--"Yeah, I hurt my foot." (she then ambles off to retrieve a band-aid)

Touchdown (as she sees her sister walking down the hall)--"You know what I do when I hurt my foot?"

Teenager--"What do you do?"

Touchdown--"I hop. I hop on the other foot. You could try that."

Now that's good sound advice. I wonder what would happen if doctor's employed that philosophy. Let me think...

A Note on Snotty Noses

2006-04-06T17:45:00.000-07:00

So, Baby Indy is just about one year old and he just started walking in earnest. Well, he totters forward a few steps and then he totters back a few steps. We call it walking. He is getting more proficient at the tottering, however.

Just today, though, he crawled up to the King as the King was on the floor watching the Masters and snuggled up really tight and...and...blew his nose as hard as he could right on Dad's T-shirt. He then promptly evacuated the premises leaving the snot-adorned Dad alone on the floor.

Nice one, Indy.

A List of Food Favorites

2006-04-05T23:21:00.000-07:00

I have done one such list once before and I really enjoy trying to come up with things that are both thought provoking and yet entertaining (well, maybe not entertaining). So here goes...

My favorite berry: I am going to go with the raspberry here. Yes, a good strawberry shortcake is tempting and a boysenberry pie a la mode makes my knees weak, but the raspberry is just so versatile and my mother's raspberry jam is the all-time best. Yep, the raspberry it is.

My favorite ethnic food: Mexican. This would have been a clear-cut winner about 15 years ago, but now my palate is a little more refined and I like a good Indian curry or a spicy Thai dish. I even like the occasional unagi from a sushi place, but there is nothing, and I repeat, nothing better than well-done Mexican food. I prefer slow-cooked goat to be honest but pollo pibil and poc chuc are welcome as well.

My favorite spice: Garlic. Hands down. Now I love cumin and curry, but it is sometimes hard to convince my wife to let me use them all the time, so around here, garlic reigns supreme. My mother did give me a great dill dip recipe that uses Beau Monde, though. I need to revive that here.

My favorite fast food joint: As a single guy, I ate out 100% of the time. So for nearly 11 years I ate fast food when time was an issue so I know my fast food. For day to day usage, nobody beats the big girl, Wendy. She usually features fresh tomatoes and lettuce and the beef just tastes more like beef than the rest. Now, I do like the new Ciabatta Bacon and Cheese at Jack in the Box, but any place that serves the kind of tacos they serve can never be considered the best. On a side note, Fatburger in Vegas rocks as does Pepe's in Los Angeles.

My least favorite fast food joint: There are so many bad ones that I hate to limit it to just one, but my least favorite fast food joint is Little Caesar's. I just cringe when the wife ponies up the five bucks for a pepperoni. Now I know everyone has their horror stories about places, mine include the aforementioned Jack in the Box, the lovely Carls, Jr., and the sometimes horrific Burger King, but Little Sleazer is just plain bad. Oh, and I will only eat one thing at Taco Bell.

My favorite vegetable: Broccoli.

My favorite fruit: Seedless oranges (in season). I kind of like Clementines, too.

My weird food stuff: Okay, so I don't like fresh apples, but in a pie they are delicious. I love fresh bananas but anything banana-flavored is nasty. Same thing with peaches. I love fresh peaches over vanilla ice cream, but give me peach yogurt and I will likely lose my cookies. I love raisins but put them in anything and they are instantly nasty. Carrots - raw not cooked. Spinach - raw not cooked. Onions may only be added if they are chopped finely.

I hope this has all been enlightening.

A Note on the Champions

2006-04-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

What with the Gators of Florida winning the National Championship, I guess I have to be a standup guy and award something to the co-winners of the WilkeWorld Bracket Challenge. In a contentious affair, the Wizard came from behind to tie the Wife in the National Semifinal. So both the Wizard and the Wife are the oh-so-deserving champions (sorry Indigo, you have to make picks to be considered).

To be totally fair and honest I will allow both parties to make suggestions in the comments regarding their prize from the King. Remember, I know where you both live.

Congrats to the Wife and the Wizard for their deft abilities to divine the winners of college basketball games.

In a totally related manner, I won the pool at my work and won two tickets to the movies. I hope the wife chooses that for her gift.

A Note on the Apprentice

2006-04-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have no real interest in a man with really bad hair and an ego that is so huge it hardly fits in a room, but I sat down today and watched the Apprentice and just had to comment on the trainwreck that is the Donald. He totally missed the boat with Bryce. Anyone who stands up for his people and takes the blame for a failure is a standup guy in my opinion. Bryce did that and yet not one person stood up for him. They all abandoned him in the room and so he had to bring two people into the room with him. He chose the two that contributed the least in his opinion and the Donald bagged him.

I hate that his two henchies just sit there and agree one hundred percent with that nitwit. Of course they have to, cause he only wants yes-men. Anyway, Donald, if you are listening (and why would you, you're own voice drowns out everything else in a thirty mile radius?), quit allowing people with real moral fortitude to leave your boardroom.

Oh, and wash that smirk off your face. It is so unbecoming with all that hot air escaping your pie-hole.

A Note on the Final Copy

2006-03-31T19:55:00.000-08:00

I got it.

My self-published book finally arrived from Lulu this week and it looks phenomenal. I had a few problems with the type-set and those things but the book is very professional looking and the Wife's photo on the front looks outstanding. I would strongly encourage anyone looking to do that kind of thing to look into using Lulu.

To look at the final product please click here.

From start to finish, the project cost exactly $16.07 and the book looks so good I almost can't believe I wrote it.

A Note on Templature

2006-03-30T08:36:00.000-08:00

Tamara at Cybervassals, the great chick that hooked me up with my old template is switching things up at her place and I have momentarily lost the Sea Cow and the old template and with it the blog roll and various other things. Hang in there folks, I hope to restore it all, but for now, I went with a standard blogger template until the hosting is up and working again. Sorry for the inconvenience.

A Note on Jeopardy

2006-03-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

So last night I attempted the Jeopardy online contestant test. It was fifty questions and they ranged from impossible to relatively easy. I think I did okay, but they don't release any final scores so it's hard to say just how well I did. The test in and of itself was difficult but throw in the Touchdown Factor and it was a nightmare.

I mistakenly thought Touchdown would remain in the front room watching Big Disney (you know, Raven and Zack and Cody), so I prepped her by saying, "Touchdown, Daddy has a big meeting and he needs to have you stay out here." She replied that she would be a big girl and watch Big Disney. The test only lasts ten minutes so I felt confident she could do it.

Well...I got three questions into the test and she comes knocking on the door in a panic. She has to go to the potty. I can't help her. She knows how to go, so I encourage her to go by herself. Nope. Instead, she just pees her pants and then screams bloody murder right in front of the office door.

The steam that was coming out of my ears was observed in at least five neighboring counties.

A Memory of Childhood Wonder

2006-03-26T11:25:00.000-08:00

I don't know what got me thinking of this but I thought I would do a little post on it anyway.

Today, I was walking home from church and the Teenager and I were swinging Touchdown high into the air and she was thoroughly ecstatic. She couldn't have been having any more fun. She was in her element; an element where the world is good and just being in it is sufficient. It got me thinking of things that used to be good enough to waste away a day doing. These are some of them.

1. Making a blanket fort. My brother and I loved this, and who doesn't? There is nothing as totally carefree as a good blanket fort. We love draping the blankets over the card table and the ping-pong table in our basement in Heyburn.

2. Having Dad throw the nerf football over the side of the house and diving to make the catch. If my brother or I succeeded in making the catch, it was imperative to emerge from behind the house with the ball held high like a trophy.

3. Jumping out of the Swings. It could get dangerous, as the swings at the elementary school were exceedingly high, but even if you plunged to your death trying to break the record, there would be glory and admiration from all of my buddies.

4. Jigsaw puzzles by candlelight. Often in the middle of the winter when the snow was drifting over the houses and school was cancelled and the power would go out, we would all sit down at the dining table and do a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle by candlelight. It was a good enough way to spend the evening.

5. Throwing rocks to our dog, Sally. Yep, Sally was a rock dog. She would chase the rock down or catch it in her mouth and then bring it back to us so we could throw it again. She was quite the dog.

6. Burning the ditchbank. Since we lived on the farm and burning the ditchbank was required, we became quite the little pyromaniacs. I still enjoy a good flamethrower.

7. Collecting aluminum cans from the side of the road. My brother and I would walk about six miles or so to Norland collecting all the cans from the side of the road. It was a long and dirty chore but we made like 2 cents a pound.

8. Bologna sandwiches. I used to love to bend them in half and take a bite out of the middle so it looked like a hole in the middle of the sandwich. I still like doing it to be truthful.

9. Listening to Karen Carpenter, Neil Diamond, Ray Coniff, and Burt Bacharach 8-tracks in the basement of our house in Heyburn. This was usually combined with the blanket forts and the bologna sandwiches. "Hey, won't ya sing, another somebody done somebody wrong song?" I don't really remember how it went.

10. Getting grounded and sent to my room only to play catch with my imprisoned brother who was also grounded in his room across the hall. The reason for the grounding was usually that we were fighting, so it made sense that we would then play catch with each other.

A List of Hypothetical Questions

2006-03-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

These questions have little to do with anything but I will ask them anyway.

1. How long should a single person wait to ask out a widow/widower following the death of their spouse?

2. At what age does a tattoo become unsexy (presuming it was ever sexy, which I doubt)?

3. What is your batting average?

4. Is it okay to talk to people in truck stop bathrooms?

5. What would you do if you discovered a grown sibling was now doing drugs?

6. I know love is blind, but when exactly should the eyes be opened?

7. Is it okay to put mayonnaise on a pastrami sandwich?

8. Girl and guy getting married, guy's last name is Fagg. Should the girl insist on name change?

9. Do you still call shotgun?

10. The King and Queen shuffling off to Puerto Rico over the summer. Two days in Vieques, three in San Juan? or two in San Juan, three in Vieques?

A Note on Fantasy

2006-03-20T13:20:00.000-08:00

So, with one full weekend of March Madness in the books, I look to the brackets to discover that the King's worst nightmare has indeed come true. Not only is the King languishing in the middle of the pack, but The Wife and the Wizard are leading the whole thing. It is a nightmare.

As for the WilkeWorld Book, you may still purchase it by clicking on the link. For those that want to know, it took me a good two weeks of copying/pasting and editing. I added a little narration to help things along and I didn't include every single post as some of them were repetitive and redundant.

Last but not least, I have to tell all of you that when the Queen is sick, the castle goes to pot. I'd clean it up, but I am down and out as well. I hope someone is taking care of the kids.

A Note on the WilkeWorld Book

2006-03-18T22:00:00.000-08:00

Over the last several weeks, I have been compiling and editing all of my blog posts for the first year with the intention of publishing a Best of WilkeWorld book. Well, I did it. Now before you all accuse me of selling out to the POD world and before you all accuse me of self-aggrandizement, let me just say that the whole intention behind the publishing of this book was so that I can keep a copy of it for my grandchildren.

It isn't to make money on, or even to see my name on the spine of a book, but rather it was to preserve this year of my life on something other than blogger. I had only to pay a measly $16.07 to have it published, and have one copy sent out to me so that I could edit it. I do not encourage any of you to buy said book, but if you do for some reason want a copy of it, don't buy it until I have a copy of it in my hand and I can vouch for its quality. That should occur in the next 3 to 5 business days.

However, should you want to check it out please click here. You can also click on the link in my blog roll. It was a lot of fun and I would encourage any of you that want to bind a journal or print up a family history to do so at lulu.com. It was very easy to do all of it.

Again, wait and see how it turned out when I get the proof copy.

A Note on Burning Bosoms

2006-03-17T06:25:00.000-08:00

The King is now in a huge funk. Not only are his NCAA Tournament picks going down the proverbial toilet, but he has a tremendously bad chest flu that makes him sound as if a lung is going to come flying out of his mouth at any time. What's that burning in the bosom, you ask? Oh, about a gallon and a half of Mentholatum. Thank you very much.

A Note on the First Round (Atlanta)

2006-03-14T09:29:00.000-08:00

Again I realize that my normal readers are looking at this and wondering what in the world has got into the King, but, hey, it's a three week period each year that I get all awash in the Madness. So here are the first round picks. Yep, all 32 games.

Atlanta Regional

#1 Duke over #16 Southern--I want to pick a sixteen seed over a one seed, but, c'mon, this is not the year to do it. This game will be tight for about 10 minutes but by the end of the first half, the Dukies should be up by 15-18 points and cruising. Look for Greg Paulus and Josh McRoberts to get a lot of time on the floor in the blowout, just to get some experience.

#9 NC-Wilmington over #8 George Washington--This is a trendy pick considering Pops Mensa-Bonsu is questionable, but even if he is healthy, I like the Seahawks. They have a lot of senior leadership and they are balanced. GW has also struggled down the stretch, even before their loss in the A-10 tourney.

#5 Syracuse over #12 Texas A&M--This is one of those dangerous 5/12 matchups that look like it could be an upset, but let's look at a few numbers. Texas A&M went 10-1 in their nonconference schedule but played total cupcakes and all at home, except their one loss at Pacific. Yes, they are on a roll, but outside of a win against Texas they really haven't played a tough schedule the last few weeks either. As for Syracuse, look for a letdown after the Big East tourney, but they should be good enough to squeak this one out against a bad Aggie team.

#4 LSU over #13 Iona--I think this could be a big upset in the making as I like Iona a lot and LSU has been a product of a down SEC this year, but I see two games that tell me LSU should handle this. They beat West Virginia on the road and they had a one point loss at UConn. Sure they lost at Northern Iowa, but they handled their business in the SEC and that should carry them here. Also, Iona has struggled down the stretch. Look for this to be close, but I like the Tigers.

#6 West Virginia over #11 Southern Illinois--Another game tagged as an upset special, but I wonder just how good the MVC is. This Saluki team lost to a Div. II school early in the season and got beat by Monmouth as well. They are dangerous, but they are also vulnerable. To wit, they lost to La Tech in the Bracket Buster. As for West Virginia, they are coming in with the same cast as last year and that is a big plus. They might be overconfident, but they have some leadership and some shooters. I'll take them if only because I like saying Pittsnogle.

#14 Northwestern State over #3 Iowa--Yes, I know the Hawkeyes won the Big Ten tourney title and the Big Ten was one of the top conferences in the country, but I can't help feeling that they are ripe for a letdown. I like that NW State won early games on the road at Oregon State, Mississippi State and Oklahoma State and they also gave Utah State a heck of a game in Logan before falling at the end. They have a lot of senior leadership (as does Iowa) and I like them to pull the biggest upset in the first round.

#10 NC State over #7 Cal--A tough call. Cal has played well down the stretch and Powe is a beast in the middle and the Wolfpack has struggled mightily, BUT I like Herb Sendek and if you give him a full week to neutralize the big man in the middle, I think he can do it, especially because he has fouls to burn and Powe will have to guard Evtimov on the perimeter. It's all about matchups in this one and I'm going with Herbie.

#2 Texas over #15 Penn--A matchup nightmare for the Quakers as I think the quickness and height of the Longhorns will make this a big blowout. It could be close at half if and only if the Quakers shoot lights out. I don't think so.

There you have it folks. On to Oakland.

#1 Memphis over #16 Oral Roberts--I am not that enamored with the Tigers but Oral Roberts has floundered this season after a promising start. In the end, Calipari should have no problem advancing.

#8 Arkansas over #9 Bucknell--Another trendy upset pick where one team has overachieved and the other is a middle of the pack power conference team, but I will stick with the power conference here. It is tough when expectations are so much higher (just ask Gonzaga) and I think that Arkansas will see themselves as the underdog and come out motivated. Hey, we are still talking the Patriot League here.

#5 Pittsburgh over #12 Kent State--I'm not sold on the MVC and I am sold on Carl Krausser. Pittsburgh could lay claim to a higher seed than this and I like that they will have a chip on their shoulder.

#4 Kansas over #13 Bradley--Another upset special, but Kansas just has too much talent not to win and with last years Bucknell debacle, Coach Self will have his kids ready for this. Critics may point to Kansas' lack of experience but with them I think it is a good thing, they can't overthink things. This will be close at half but look for the better athletes to take over in the second half.

#6 Indiana over #11 San Diego State--My heart says SDSU but my head tells me Marco Killingsworth will cause Abukar and Slaughter to get in to foul trouble. I am going with the Hoosiers on the emotion as well. They will win one or two games in this tournament for Coach Davis. Come to think of it, shouldn't Steve Fisher be retiring here soon.

#3 Gonzaga over #14 Xavier--Yes, the Zags have struggled in the WCC and have squeaked by on occasion, but they are a dangerous team with veterans and a seasoned coach. They also will be playing in SLC where they will have a home crowd advantage. It will take them a half to work out the jitters but look for Derek Raivio to break out of his shooting slump when the doubling down occurs on Batista and Morrison.

#7 Marquette over #10 Alabama--I don't really like either team to go very far but I think Marquette has the better individual player in Novak, so I'll pick them. It is interesting though that Marquette lost to Winthrop and Alabama beat them. This is really a toss up for me.

#2 UCLA over Belmont--In a blowout of epic proportions. UCLA is really rolling right now and I think Ben Howland has them in a real confident place. I like UCLA to go a long way in this one.

Whew, on to D.C.

#1 Connecticut over #16 Albany--UConn gives everyone terrible matchup problems and this should be no exception. Look for Rudy Gay to get his 20 and then sit down for the second half.

#9 UAB over #8 Kentucky--Kentucky has been so incredibly inconsistent this year that this could be a blowout either way. I'll take UAB however, because I like the run-and-gun style that they play and the fact that, outside of Rajan Rondo, Kentucky's assist-to-turnover ratio is atrocious. I think they will overplay Rondo and force someone else to handle the ball. Should he get ahold of it, though...

#5 Washington over #12 Utah State--This will be an interesting contrast of style game with the Huskies blitzing up and down the floor and the Aggies slowing it down with Harris and Carroll. I think Stew Morrill is a basketball genius, but they couldn't handle a quick guard last year in Salim Stoudamire, (although they held Arizona to only 66 points) and I don't think they can do it this year either. Too close for Husky fans, but they squeak by.

#4 Illinois over #13 Air Force--Basketball purists will again be attracted to this game, but in the end they will see Illinois dominate things inside. I am a Mountain West apologist, but even I think Cincy and Fla State were robbed. Air Force is a nice story, but one that will end promptly.

#6 Michigan State over #11 George Mason--Which MSU team will show up? The one that got clobbered at Hawaii early on or the one that pounded BC the following week? The one that won three straight against ranked Big 10 teams in the middle of the season or the one that lost 5 of 7 down the stretch? I am betting on the former and Tom Izzo setting these guys on a mission. Lastly, who did George Mason beat? Manhattan on the road, that's who. And a tired Wichita State team late. Not too impressive. Hofstra had a better resume.

#3 UNC over #14 Murray State--I want to see this be an upset, but UNC is soooooo talented. They will not lose this early in this tournament. Maybe in the next round but not this one.

#7 Wichita State over #10 Seton Hall--The exception to the rule. The MVC will win one and this is the one they'll get. Seton Hall is a mediocre team that got the bid 'cause they beat Cincy the last week of the season, but they really don't scare anyone. A two point loss at Northwestern and a bad loss at Richmond early on attest to that. No, the Shockers aren't much to look at this year either but I like them here.

#2 Tennessee over #15 Winthrop--Two words...Bruce Pearl. They are the most vulnerable #2 seed, but I just think Pearl is the funnest coach in this thing and he will have his boys motivated and excited. Don't think I haven't seen what Winthrop is capable of, but Tennessee has the horses to make a run in this thing and the Eagles won't be able to top them.

Almost there...Minneapolis

#1 Villanova over #16 Monmouth--This could be a teaser for a half before Villanova decides they should just spank this club. It will be another style game with Monmouth playing deliberately and Villanova chomping at the bit, but Villanova will run and run and run and overwhelm the already tired Hawks.

#8 Arizona over #9 Wisconsin--Toss a coin. Neither team has shown itself to be consistent and neither team really shoots the ball worth a darn. I will take Lute Olson if only because I like his hair.

#5 Nevada over #12 Montana--Could be a closer game than expected. The other Coach K is a great fit in Montana and has his guys playing very well now but Nevada ruled the roost in a very difficult WAC and should get by on the strength of Mo Charlo and Nick Fazekas.

#13 Pacific over #4 Boston College--I am taking a real flyer on this one because of the SLC factor. Teams struggle with the altitude and BC will be flying across the country to an arena that will have a West Coast bias. Add to that the success of Pacific last year and I think this is an upset special. Of course, the Eagles are the better team, but I have to pick upsets and this is it.

#6 Oklahoma over #11 Wisconsin-Milwaukee--Taj Gray will not let the Sooners blow this one. Yes, the prognosticators like this one to be an upset, but I just think the big man will have his day. They won't make it past the next round but they will not lose here.

#3 Florida over #14 South Alabama--Florida might win the whole thing. They are big and strong and quick. I don't see them floundering here despite their inconsistency in the big dance the last several years.

#7 Georgetown over #10 Northern Iowa--MVC goes 1-3 will be the headline on Saturday morning and Billy Packer will be smiling, but I just think any team that handles Duke like they did will win a first round game in the NCAA's.

#2 Ohio State over #15 Davidson--Ohio State kind of snuck up on me this year. They can shoot it and they are capable of making a deep run in this tourney. The Davidson kids scare me cause they've been here before knocking on the gate, but they struggled in their conference and the Buckeyes did not. Close for a half before the Buckeyes screw down the clamps and run away with it.

Thank you everyone for indulging my habit.

A Note on the NCAA Tourney (2nd Year)

2006-03-12T16:16:00.000-08:00

It is here yet again, Citizens. I know that none of you care. I know that you are all rolling your eyes at me right now, but I don't care. The NCAA Basketball tournament has arrived yet again and I have set up a NCAA bracket on Yahoo Sports for all of you. It is completely free. Just go to Yahoo Sports Fantasy and sign up for the Bracket Challenge and then join the WilkeWorld group.

The Group ID is 49151
The password is seacow

I hope you will all join. The winner will get something special from the king. I know that you all don't care so it should be fun to whoop up on someone who does care, like me. Good luck.

A Note on Karma

2006-03-11T18:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I live in St. George, Utah in one of the most beautiful areas in the world. I live thirty minutes from Zion National Park and the average daytime temperature this time of year is about 65 - 70 degrees. We live in the high desert and it is wonderful. The golf courses are open for business 365 days a year. We live here for a reason and that reason is the weather.

So imagine my excitement when the teenager got out of school for Spring Break and took the kids for the morning so I could go golfing. I was so stoked. I got a new putter for Christmas and haven't been able to use it at all. I was on Cloud Nine.

The night before we heard news that a storm might be on the way with a 20% to 30% chance of precipitation. I was crossing my fingers, but I woke up to clear skies. I got to the course and we were the first twosome out. I went with my best friend, Jeff, and we established a little wager to see who would buy hot dogs at the turn.

Things went well as I won the front nine and was treated to a delicious hot dog. Then we went back out to find that the clouds had rolled in and it had chilled off considerably. By the tenth hole it had started to snow and by the twelfth hole we found ourselves in an all-out blizzard. A blizzard. We get a snow storm here once every three or four years and it just so happened to occur on the one day I got to go golfing. I go golfing once every thousand days and it snows every thousand days. What were the chances the two would coincide?

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT...

Somehow, I should have known.

A Note on Toddler Wisdom

2006-03-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

Okay, so the British Bulldog reference got everyone a little off kilter. Wizard and Jensen, British Bulldog is a game where one person is in the middle and tries to tackle people as they go back and forth across the "field". When one person is tackled they join the other person in the middle and attempt to tackle others. Eventually the entire school is in the middle and two or three speedy youngsters try to make their way through to the other side. Jamie Loveland and I were usually the last ones to be tackled.

I hope this clarifies things.

As for today's bit of wisdom, I offer up this little gem.

The Wife notices that Touchdown is wearing only one sock.

The Wife: "Touchdown, where is your other sock?"

Touchdown: "Up on the counter."

The Wife: "Don't you want to put it on?"

Touchdown: "No."

The Wife: "Why not?"

Touchdown: "That foot's not cold."

The Wife: "But you're wearing a sock on that other foot."

Touchdown, looking at the socked foot: "It was cold."

The Wife: "But this one's not?"

Touchdown: "Nope."

As I look out there now, she is still in one sock.

A Note on British Bulldog

2006-03-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

I am not entirely sure that I haven't already posted this somewhere already, but I must tell you all about it sheerly because it is a curious subject that I think most of us are aware of but rarely discuss as adults.

Girls have cooties. It is a known fact. All of the men (boys) that occasionally read this blog have been taught since they were young enough to comprehend the cootiness of women that women (girls) have cooties. If we somehow were to touch one, we, too, could get cooties.

Now, I have been told by various females that they, too, believed that boys had cooties as well. I am not convinced of this phenomenon, although as a youngster I often felt itchy. Perhaps they were the cooties.

Anyway, as a kid I liked one girl in particular that I don't think had cooties. Her name was Paula Lloyd. She was super-fast. She could run like the wind. She moved away in the second or third grade and then all the girls had cooties except one. Jamie Loveland was the queen of British Bulldog and if we said she had cooties, she would smash us. Jamie and I were never boyfriend/girlfriend, but we were always the last two kids left when the school would play British Bulldog.

I remember few things about my life as a grade school tyke, but if I could go back and relive a few precious moments it would be the glory of British Bulldog with Jamie Loveland.

A Note on Sugar Highs

2006-03-05T12:32:00.000-08:00

Note to self: Diet Pepsi tastes like total dirty drain water after one has licked the frosting off a cupcake.

A Note on Daniel Day Lewis

2006-03-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

You would think that a kid would have a fifty percent chance of getting their shoes on the right feet even if they knew nothing of shoe putting on. You would think that, but you'd be wrong.

Now, I don't pretend that my little Touchdown knows her left foot from her right foot, but we have perhaps told her nearly 1000 times that the buckles go on the outside of her feet. She does know that, or, at least gives us lip service that she knows the difference between inside and outside of a foot. Given that instruction, you would think that the averages would roughly even out and we could expect a fifty-fifty split. You would think that, but you'd be wrong.

You might also think that if a kid put on their shoes and found them tremendously uncomfortable to the point that they begin to cry, that they would take them off and switch them around. After all, her toenails fell completely off due to this phenomenon. That might improve the averages, right? We might even expect that the halfway point would seem realistic. We'd be wrong.

I can't wait to teach her how to tie those things.

A Memory of the Youth Ranch

2006-03-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

As many of you are aware, I spent a good portion of my childhood at the Idaho Youth Ranch (a 2000 acre ranch with 35-45 juvenile delinquents). I loved my childhood immensely and today I want to illuminate you all with a few memories of that place. My wife wants me to clarify that I was not one of the delinquent kids but rather the son of the Youth Ranch's Grand Wizard (I guess that makes me delinquent, but I am not sure).

1. On various occasions, my friends would run away and be sent to juvenile detention in St. Anthony.

2. We had a full-sized activity center with a gymnasium, game room, weight room, and locker room. I became a very accomplished shuffleboard player, pool shark, and dodgeballer.

3. One of the runaway kids was named Dusty Rhodes. We thought that hilarious.

4. We didn't ever lock our front door.

5. My brother and I would build forts in the haystacks of the ranch.

6. Our friends would often have to go home when we were playing so they could attend "Group Meeting".

7. The kids taught me how to grow marijuana and rob a bank; two skills I have never really needed thus far in my life.

8. Most of the kids were scared of the Wizard, cause they would hear stories of him whooping three and four kids at a time. (The Wizard is a big man.)

9. Our dog, Sally, died in front of our house out at the ranch when I was in fifth grade.

10. All of our water came out of a well. It was the best tasting water I have ever tasted.

A Note on Rose Hills

2006-02-28T08:46:00.000-08:00

The WilkeWorld family has one less member this week as Grandma Lila Mae Evans Hamren Laird passed away on February 21, 2006. Her service was held yesterday at the Rose Hills Cemetary in Whittier, California.

A few words that I feel like stating at this time. My Grandmother was a very unique and exceptional woman. She was uncompromising when it came to her conviction, and she was relentless with her enthusiasm for almost everything that she ever did. She will be missed but not easily forgotten. Her legacy is one of love, devotion, and energy that we, her family, will remember forever.

We miss you, Grandma.

On a related note, the Teenager got a monkey pillow from Grandma Lila (before her passing) and she named it Mister MacGregor. She was appropriately delighted.

What will be your legacy?